This Annual Spectacle Had Always Been A Moving One, But The Feeling It
Now Produced - This Mingled Feeling - Was Most Powerful On Still
Moonlight Nights, When I Would Sit Or Lie On My Bed Gazing Out On The
Prospect, Earth And Sky, In Its Changed Mysterious Aspect.
And, lying
there, I would listen by the hour to the three-syllable call-note of
the upland or solitary plover, as the birds went past, each bird alone
far up in the dim sky, winging his way to the north.
It was a strange
vigil I kept, stirred by strange thoughts and feelings, in that
moonlit earth that was strange too, albeit familiar, for never before
had the sense of the supernatural in Nature been stronger. And the
bird I listened to, that same solitary plover I had known and admired
from my earliest years, the most graceful of birds, beautiful to see
and hear when it would spring up before my horse with its prolonged
wild bubbling cry of alarm and go away with swift, swallow-like
flight - what intensity and gladness of life was in it, what a
wonderful inherited knowledge in its brain, and what an inexhaustible
vigour in its slender frame to enable it to perform that annual double
journey of upwards of ten thousand miles! What a joy it would be to
live for ages in a world of such fascinating phenomena! If some great
physician, wise beyond all others, infallible, had said to me that all
my doctors had been wrong, that, barring accidents, I had yet fifty
years to live, or forty, or even thirty, I should have worshipped him
and would have counted myself the happiest being on the globe, with so
many autumns and winters and springs and summers to see yet.
With these supernatural moonlight nights I finish the story of that
dark time, albeit the darkness had not yet gone; to have recalled it
and related it briefly as I could once in my life is enough. Let me
now go back to the simile of the lost wretch struggling for life in
the mangrove swamp. The first sense of having set my foot on a firmer
place in that slough of fetid slime, of a wholesome breath of air
blown to me from outside the shadow of the black abhorred forest, was
when I began to experience intervals of relief from physical pain,
when these grew more and more frequent and would extend to entire
days, then to weeks, and for a time I would become oblivious of my
precarious state. I was still and for a long time subject to attacks,
when the pain was intolerable and was like steel driven into my heart,
always followed by violent palpitations, which would last for hours.
But I found that exercise on foot or horseback made me no worse, and I
became more and more venturesome, spending most of my time out of
doors, although often troubled with the thought that my passion for
Nature was a hindrance to me, a turning aside from the difficult way I
had been striving to keep.
Then my elder brother returned, an event of the greatest importance in
my life; and as he had not been expected so soon, I was for a minute
in doubt that this strange visitor could be my brother, so greatly had
he altered in appearance in those five long years of absence, which
had seemed like an age to me. He had left us as a smooth-faced youth,
with skin tanned to such a deep colour that with his dark piercing
eyes and long black hair he had looked to me more like an Indian than
a white man. Now his skin was white, and he had grown a brown beard
and moustache. In disposition, too, he had grown more genial and
tolerant, but I soon discovered that in character he had not changed.
As soon as an opportunity came he began to interrogate and cross-
question me as to my mind - life and where I stood, and expressed
himself surprised to hear that I still held to the creed in which we
had been reared. How, he demanded, did I reconcile these ancient
fabulous notions with the doctrine of evolution? What effect had
Darwin produced on me? I had to confess that I had not read a line of
his work, that with the exception of Draper's History of Civilisation,
which had come by chance in my way, I had during all those five years
read nothing but the old books which had always been on our shelves.
He said he knew Draper's History, and it was not the sort of book for
me to read at present. I wanted a different history, with animals as
well as men in it. He had a store of books with him, and would lend me
the Origin of Species to begin with.
When I had read and returned the book, and he was eager to hear my
opinion, I said it had not hurt me in the least, since Darwin had to
my mind only succeeded in disproving his own theory with his argument
from artificial selection. He himself confessed that no new species
had ever been produced in that way.
That, he said in reply, was the easy criticism that any one who came
to the reading in a hostile spirit would make. They would fasten on
that apparently weak point and not pay much attention to the fact that
it is fairly met and answered in the book. When he first read the book
it convinced him; but he had come to it with an open mind and I with a
prejudiced mind on account of my religious ideas. He advised me to
read it again, to read and consider it carefully with the sole purpose
of getting at the truth. "Take it," he said, "and read it again in the
right way for you to read it - as a naturalist."
He had been surprised that I, an ignorant boy or youth on the pampas,
had ventured to criticise such a work.
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