Far Away And Long Ago A History Of My Early Life By W. H. Hudson








































































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Nor was this all nor even the worst which had be-fallen me; I now
discovered that in spite of - Page 324
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Nor Was This All Nor Even The Worst Which Had Be-Fallen Me; I Now Discovered That In Spite Of

All my strivings after the religious mind, that old dread of annihilation which I had first experienced as a small

Child was not dead as I had fondly imagined, but still lived and worked in me. This visible world - this paradise of which I had had so far but a fleeting glimpse-the sun and moon and other worlds peopling all space with their brilliant constellations, and still other suns and systems, so utterly remote, in such inconceivable numbers as to appear to our vision as a faint luminous mist in the sky-all this universe which had existed for millions and billions of ages, or from eternity, would have existed in vain, since now it was doomed with my last breath, my last gleam of consciousness, to come to nothing. For that was how the thought of death presented itself to me.

Against this appalling thought I struggled with all my power, and prayed and prayed again, morning, noon and night, wrestling with God, as the phrase was, trying as it were to wring something from His hands which would save me, and which He, for no reason that I could discover, withheld from me.

It was not strange in these circumstances that I became more and more absorbed in the religious literature of which we had a good amount on our bookshelves - theology, sermons, meditations for every day in the year, _The Whole Duty of Man, A Call to the Unconverted_, and many other old works of a similar character.

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