But The Pleasure Was More Than I
Could Endure In That Feeble State; The Chilly Wind Pierced Me Like
Needles Of Ice, My Senses Swam, And I Would Have Fallen To The Ground
If My Elder Brother Had Not Caught Me In His Arms And Taken Me Back To
The House.
In spite of that fainting fit I was happy again with the old
happiness, and from day to day
I regained strength, until one day in
early August I was suddenly reminded that it was my anniversary by my
brothers and sisters all coming to me with birthday presents, which
they had been careful to provide beforehand, and congratulations on my
recovery.
Fifteen years old! This was indeed the most memorable day of my life,
for on that evening I began to think about myself, and my thoughts
were strange and unhappy thoughts to me-what I was, what I was in the
world for, what I wanted, what destiny was going to make of me! Or was
it for me to do just what I wished, to shape my own destiny, as my
elder brothers had done? It was the first time such questions had come
to me, and I was startled at them. It was as though I had only just
become conscious; I doubt that I had ever been fully conscious before.
I had lived till now in a paradise of vivid sense-impressions in which
all thoughts came to me saturated with emotion, and in that mental
state reflection is well-nigh impossible.
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