Looking Down, She All At Once Became Alarmed At
The Sight Of My Face, And Began To Question Me.
Then, struggling
against my tears, I told her of the words which had been spoken at the
old dog's burial, and asked her if it was true, if I - if she - if all
of us had to die and be buried in the ground?
She replied that it was
not wholly true; it was only true in a way, since our bodies had to
die and be buried in the earth, but we had an immortal part which
could not die. It was true that old Caesar had been a good, faithful
dog, and felt and understood things almost like a human being, and
most persons believed that when a dog died he died wholly and had no
after-life. We could not know that; some very great, good men had
thought differently; they believed that the animals, like us, would
live again. That was also her belief - her strong hope; but we could
not know for certain, because it had been hidden from us. For
ourselves, we knew that we could not really die, because God Himself,
who made us and all things, had told us so, and His promise of eternal
life had been handed down to us in His Book - in the Bible.
To all this and much more I listened trembling, with a fearful
interest, and when I had once grasped the idea that death when it came
to me, as it must, would leave me alive after all - that, as she
explained, the part of me that really mattered, the myself, the I am
I, which knew and considered things, would never perish, I experienced
a sudden immense relief. When I went out from her side again I wanted
to run and jump for joy and cleave the air like a bird. For I had been
in prison and had suffered torture, and was now free again - death
would not destroy me!
There was another result of my having unburdened my heart to my
mother. She had been startled at the poignancy of the feeling I had
displayed, and, greatly blaming herself for having left me too long in
that ignorant state, began to give me religious instruction. It was
too early, since at that age it was not possible for me to rise to the
conception of an immaterial world. That power, I imagine, comes later
to the normal child at the age of ten or twelve. To tell him when he
is five or six or seven that God is in all places at once and sees all
things, only produces the idea of a wonderfully active and quick-
sighted person, with eyes like a bird's, able to see what is going on
all round. A short time ago I read an anecdote of a little girl who,
on being put to bed by her mother, was told not to be afraid in the
dark, since God would be there to watch and guard her while she slept.
Then, taking the candle, the mother went downstairs; but presently her
little girl came down too, in her nightdress, and, when questioned,
replied, "I'm going to stay down here in the light, mummy, and you can
go up to my room and sit with God." My own idea of God at that time
was no higher.
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