Along garden plenty yam he stop, plenty
cocoanut, plenty taro, plenty kumara (sweet potatoes), altogether
good fella kai-kai too much.
"Bimeby God big fella marster belong white man He make 'm one fella
man and put 'm along garden belong Him. He call 'm this fella man
Adam. He name belong him. He put him this fella man Adam along
garden, and He speak, 'This fella garden he belong you.' And He
look 'm this fella Adam he walk about too much. Him fella Adam all
the same sick; he no savvee kai-kai; he walk about all the time.
And God He no savvee. God big fella marster belong white man, He
scratch 'm head belong Him. God say: 'What name? Me no savvee
what name this fella Adam he want.'
"Bimeby God He scratch 'm head belong Him too much, and speak: 'Me
fella me savvee, him fella Adam him want 'm Mary.' So He make Adam
he go asleep, He take one fella bone belong him, and He make 'm one
fella Mary along bone. He call him this fella Mary, Eve. He give
'm this fella Eve along Adam, and He speak along him fella Adam:
'Close up altogether along this fella garden belong you two fella.
One fella tree he tambo (taboo) along you altogether. This fella
tree belong apple.'
"So Adam Eve two fella stop along garden, and they two fella have 'm
good time too much. Bimeby, one day, Eve she come along Adam, and
she speak, 'More good you me two fella we eat 'm this fella apple.'
Adam he speak, 'No,' and Eve she speak, 'What name you no like 'm
me?' And Adam he speak, 'Me like 'm you too much, but me fright
along God.' And Eve she speak, 'Gammon! What name? God He no
savvee look along us two fella all 'm time. God big fella marster,
He gammon along you.' But Adam he speak, 'No.' But Eve she talk,
talk, talk, allee time - allee same Mary she talk along boy along
Queensland and make 'm trouble along boy. And bimeby Adam he tired
too much, and he speak, 'All right.' So these two fella they go eat
'm. When they finish eat 'm, my word, they fright like hell, and
they go hide along scrub.
"And God He come walk about along garden, and He sing out, 'Adam!'
Adam he no speak. He too much fright. My word! And God He sing
out, 'Adam!' And Adam he speak, 'You call 'm me?' God He speak,
'Me call 'm you too much.' Adam he speak, 'Me sleep strong fella
too much.' And God He speak, 'You been eat 'm this fella apple.'
Adam he speak, 'No, me no been eat 'm.' God He speak. 'What name
you gammon along me? You been eat 'm.' And Adam he speak, 'Yes, me
been eat 'm.'
"And God big fella marster He cross along Adam Eve two fella too
much, and He speak, 'You two fella finish along me altogether. You
go catch 'm bokkis (box) belong you, and get to hell along scrub.'
"So Adam Eve these two fella go along scrub. And God He make 'm one
big fennis (fence) all around garden and He put 'm one fella marster
belong God along fennis. And He give this fella marster belong God
one big fella musket, and He speak, 'S'pose you look 'm these two
fella Adam Eve, you shoot 'm plenty too much.'"
CHAPTER XVII - THE AMATEUR M.D.
When we sailed from San Francisco on the Snark I knew as much about
sickness as the Admiral of the Swiss Navy knows about salt water.
And here, at the start, let me advise any one who meditates going to
out-of-the-way tropic places. Go to a first-class druggist - the
sort that have specialists on their salary list who know everything.
Talk the matter over with such an one. Note carefully all that he
says. Have a list made of all that he recommends. Write out a
cheque for the total cost, and tear it up.
I wish I had done the same. I should have been far wiser, I know
now, if I had bought one of those ready-made, self-acting, fool-
proof medicine chests such as are favoured by fourth-rate ship-
masters. In such a chest each bottle has a number. On the inside
of the lid is placed a simple table of directions: No. 1,
toothache; No. 2, smallpox; No. 3, stomachache; No. 4, cholera; No.
5, rheumatism; and so on, through the list of human ills. And I
might have used it as did a certain venerable skipper, who, when No.
3 was empty, mixed a dose from No. 1 and No. 2, or, when No. 7 was
all gone, dosed his crew with 4 and 3 till 3 gave out, when he used
5 and 2.
So far, with the exception of corrosive sublimate (which was
recommended as an antiseptic in surgical operations, and which I
have not yet used for that purpose), my medicine-chest has been
useless. It has been worse than useless, for it has occupied much
space which I could have used to advantage.
With my surgical instruments it is different. While I have not yet
had serious use for them, I do not regret the space they occupy.
The thought of them makes me feel good. They are so much life
insurance, only, fairer than that last grim game, one is not
supposed to die in order to win. Of course, I don't know how to use
them, and what I don't know about surgery would set up a dozen
quacks in prosperous practice.
