She Also Assured Me She Would
Contrive It So, As To Keep The Thing A Secret
From All The World.
- I found afterwards she
did not deceive me by vain promises.
- We
left Paris, according to my father's order, and
came by easy journeys, befitting my condition,
to Calais, and embarked on board the packet for
Dover; but then, instead of taking coach for London,
hired a chariot, and went cross the country
to a little village, where a kinswoman of my
nurse's lived. - With these people I remained
till Horatio and Louisa came into the world: - I
could have had them nursed at that place, but
I feared some discovery thro' the miscarriage of
letters, which often happens, and which could
not have been avoided being sent on such occasions; - so
we contrived together that my
good confident and adviser should carry them
to your house, and commit the care of them
to you, who, equal with myself, had a right to
it: - she found means, by bribing a man that
worked under your gardener, to convey them
where I afterwards heard you found and received
them as I could wish, and becoming the
generosity of your nature. - I then took coach
for London, pretending, at my arrival, that I
had been delayed by sickness, and to excuse my
nurse's absence, said she had caught the fever
of me; - so no farther enquiry was made, and
I soon after was married to a man whose worth
is well deserving of a better wife, tho' I have
endeavoured to attone for my unknown transgression
by every act of duty in my power: - nurse
stayed long enough in your part of the
world to be able to bring me an account how
the children were disposed of. - That I never
gave you an account they were your own, was
occasioned by two reasons, first, the danger of
entrusting such a thing by the post, my nurse
soon after dying; and secondly, because, as I
was a wife, I thought it unbecoming of me to
remind you of a passage I was willing to forget
myself. - A long sickness has put other thoughts
into my head, and inspired me with a tenderness
for those unhappy babes, which the shame
of being their mother hitherto deprived them
of. - I hear, with pleasure, that you are not
married, and are therefore at full liberty to
make some provision for them, if they are yet
living, that may alleviate the misfortune of
their birth. Farewell; if I obtain this first and
last request, I shall dye well satisfied."
"P.S. Burn this paper, I conjure you, the moment
you have read it; but lay the contents
of it up in your heart never to be forgotten."
I now no longer wondered, pursued Dorilaus, at that impulse I had to
love you; - I found it the simpathy of nature, and adored the divine
power. - After having well fixed in my mind all the particulars of this
amazing secret, I performed her injunction, and committed it to the
flames: I had opportunity enough to inform her in what manner Horatio
had disposed of himself, and let her know you were gone with a lady on
her travels: I concealed indeed the motive, fearing to give her any
occasion of reproaching herself for having so long concealed what my
ignorance of might have involved us all in guilt and ruin.
I stayed some few days at the castle, and then took my leave: she said
many tender things at parting concerning you, and seemed well satisfied
with the assurances I gave her of making the same provision for you, as
I must have done had the ceremony of the church obliged me to it. This
seemed indeed the only thing for which she lived, and, I was informed,
died in a few days after.
At my return to England I renewed my endeavours to discover where you
were, but could hear nothing since you wrote from Aix-la-Chappelle, and
was equally troubled that I had received no letters from your
brother. - I doubted not but he had fallen in the battle, and mourned him
as lost; - till an old servant perceiving the melancholy I was in,
acquainted me that several letters had been left at my house by the post
during my absence, but that the kinsman I had left to take care of my
affairs had secreted them, jealous, no doubt, of the fondness I have
expressed for him. - This so enraged me, when on examination I had too
much reason to be assured of this treachery, that I turned my whole
estate into ready money, and resolved to quit England for ever, and pass
my life here, this being a country I always loved, and had many reasons
to dislike my own.
Here I soon heard news of my Horatio, and such as filled me with a
pleasure, which wanted nothing of being complete but the presence of my
dear Louisa to partake of it.
Dorilaus then went on, and acquainted her with the particulars of
Horatio's story, as he had learned it from the baron de Palfoy, with
whom he now was very intimate; but as the reader is sufficiently
informed of those transactions, it would be needless to repeat them; so
I shall only say that Dorilaus arrived in France in a short time after
Horatio had left it to enter into the service of the king of Sweden, and
had wrote that letter, inserted in the eighteenth chapter, in order to
engage that young warrior to return, some little time before his meeting
with Louisa.
Nothing now was wanting to the contentment of this tender father but the
presence of Horatio, which he was every day expecting, when, instead of
himself, those letters from him arrived which contained his resolution
of remaining with Charles XII. till the conquests he was in pursuit of
should be accomplished.
This was some matter of affliction to Dorilaus, tho' in his heart he
could not but approve those principles of honour which detained
him.
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