I will not repeat to you, my dear Louisa, continued Dorilaus, the
strange perplexity of ideas that run thro' my mind after having read
this letter:
- I was very far from guessing at the real motive of this
invitation; which, however, as I once had a regard for that lady, I soon
determined to obey; and having left the care of my house to a relation
of mine by the mother's side, I went directly for Ireland; but when I
came there, was a little embarrassed in my mind what excuse I should
make to her husband for my visit. - Before I ventured to the castle, I
made a thorough enquiry after the character of this young lady, and in
what manner she lived with her lord. Never did I hear a person more
universally spoke well of: - the poor adored her charity, affability, and
condescending sweetness of disposition: - the rich admired her wit, her
virtue, and good breeding: - her beauty, tho' allowed inferior to few of
her sex, was the least qualification that seemed deserving praise: - to
add to all this, they told me she was a pattern of conjugal affection,
and the best of mothers to a numerous race of Children; - that her lord
had all the value he ought to have for so amiable a wife, and that no
wedded pair ever lived together in greater harmony; and it was with the
utmost concern, whoever I spoke to on this affair concluded what they
related of her with saying, that so excellent an example of all that was
valuable in womankind would shortly be taken from them; - that she had
long, with an unexampled patience, lingered under a severe illness which
every day threatened dissolution.
These accounts made me hesitate no farther: - I went boldly to the
castle, asked to speak with the lord M - - e, who received me with a
politeness befitting his quality: I told him that my curiosity of seeing
foreign countries had brought me to Ireland, and being in my tour thro'
those parts, I took the liberty of calling at his seat, having formerly
had the honour of being known to his lady when at her father's house,
and whom I now heard, to my great concern, was indisposed, otherwise
have been glad to pay my respects to her. The nobleman answered, with
tears in his eyes, that she was indeed in a condition such as give no
hope of her recovery, but that she sometimes saw company, tho' obliged
to receive them in bed, having lost the use of her limbs, and would
perhaps be glad of the visit of a person she had known so long.
On this I told him my name, which he immediately sent in; and her woman
not long after came from her to let me know she would admit me. My lord
went in with me; and to countenance what I said, I accosted her with the
freedom of a person who had been acquainted when children, spoke of her
father as of a gentleman who had favoured me with his good-will, tho',
in reality, I had never seen him in my life, but remembered well enough
what she had mentioned to me concerning him, and some others of her
family, to talk as if I had been intimate among them. I could perceive
she was very well pleased with the method I had taken of introducing
myself; and, to prevent any suspicion that I had any other business with
her than to pay my compliments, made my visit very short that day, not
doubting but she would of herself contrive some means of entertaining me
without witnesses, as she easily found her lord had desired I would make
the castle my home while I stayed in that part of the country.
I was not deceived; the next morning having been told her lord was
engaged with his steward, she sent for me, and making some pretence for
getting rid of her woman, she plucked a paper from under her pillow, and
putting it into my hand, - in that, said, you will find the secret I
mentioned in my letter; - suspect not the veracity of it, I conjure you,
nor love the unfortunate Horatio and Louisa less for their being mine.
I cannot express the confusion I was in, continued Dorilaus, at her
mentioning you and your brother, but I had no opportunity of asking any
questions: - her woman that instant returned, after which I stayed but a
short time, being impatient to examine the contents, which, as near as I
can remember, were to this purpose:
"You were scarce out of France before I
discovered our amour had produced such
consequences as, had my too fond passion given
me leave to think of, I never should have hazarded: - I
will not repeat the distraction I
was in; - you may easily judge of it: - I
communicated the misfortune to my nurse,
who you know I told you went from England
with me, and has often brought you messages
from the convent: - the faithful creature did
her utmost to console me for an evil which was
without a remedy: - to complete my confusion,
my father commanded me home; my lord
M - - e was returned from his travels: - we
were both of an age to marry; and it
was resolved, by our parents, no longer to
defer the completion of an affair long before
agreed upon. - I was ready to lay violent hands
on myself, since there seemed no way to conceal
my shame; but my good nurse having set
all her wits to work for me, found out an expedient
which served me, when I could think
of nothing for myself. - She bid me be of
comfort; that she thought being sent for home
was the luckiest thing that could have happened,
since nothing could be so bad as to have my
pregnancy discovered in the convent, as it
infallibly must have been had I stayed a very little
time longer:
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