These Sollicitations, However, Had No Other Effect Than To Embitter The
Satisfaction She Would Otherwise Have Enjoyed During Her Stay
Among
them; - the time of which began now to seem tedious, and she impatiently
longed for the end of the
Campaign, which she expected would return her
dear du Plessis to her, and she should be removed from a place where
dissimulation, a vice she detested, was in a manner necessary. She had
received several letters from him before the abbess took it in her head
to stop them, each more endearing than the former; and last had
flattered her with the hope of seeing him in a very short time.
Days, weeks, and months passed over, after an assurance so pleasing to
her wishes, without any confirmation of the repeated vows he had made;
and receiving from him no account of the reasons that delayed him, she
began to reproach herself for having placed too much confidence in
him; - the more time elapsed, the more cause she had to doubt his
sincerity, and believe her misfortune real: - in fine, it was near half a
year that she languished under a vain expectation of seeing, or at least
hearing from him. - Sometimes she imagined a new object had deprived her
of his heart; but when she called to mind the many proofs he had given
her of the most unparallell'd generosity that ever was she could not
think that if he even ceased to love her, he could be capable of leaving
her in so cruel a suspence: - no, said she to herself, he would have let
me know I had no more to depend on from him: - paper cannot blush, and as
he is out of the reach of my upbraidings, he would certainly have
acquainted me with my fate, confessed the inconstancy of his sex, and
exerted that wit, of which he has sufficient, to have excused his
change: - I will not therefore injure a man whom I have found so truly
noble: - death, perhaps, his deprived me of him; the unrelenting sword
makes no distinction between the worthy and unworthy; - and the brave,
the virtuous du Plessis, may have fallen a victim in common with the
most vulgar.
These apprehensions had no sooner gained ground in her imagination, than
she became the most disconsolate creature in the world. The abbess took
advantage of her melancholy, as knowing the occasion of it, and began to
represent, in the strongest terms, the instability of all human
expectations: - you may easily see, my dear child, said she, that
monsieur either no longer lives, or ceases to live for you: - young men
are wavering, every new object attracts their wishes; - they are
impatient for a time, but soon grow cool; - absence renders them
forgetful of their vows and promises; - there is no real dependance on
them; - fly therefore to that divine love which never can deceive
you; - give yourself up to heaven, and you will soon be enabled to
despise the fickle hopes of earth.
Instead of saying any thing to comfort her, in this manner was she
continually persecuted; and tho' it is impossible for any one to have
less inclination to a monastic life than she had, yet the depression of
her spirits, the firm belief she now should never see du Plessis more,
the misfortune of her circumstances, joined to the artifices they made
use of, and the repeated offers of accepting her without the usual sum
paid on such occasions, might possibly at last have prevailed on
her. - She was half convinced in her mind that it was the only asylum
left to shield her from the wants and insults of the world; and the more
she reflected on the changes, the perplexities, and vexation, of
different kinds, the few years she yet had lived had presented her with,
the more reason she found to acquiesce with the persuasions of the
abbess. But heaven would not suffer the deceit practised on her to be
crowned with success, and discovered it to her timely enough to prevent
her from giving too much way to that despair, which alone could have
prevailed with her to yield to their importunities.
There was among the sisterhood a young lady called donna Leonora, who
being one of many daughters of a family, more eminent for birth than
riches, was compelled, as too many are, to become a nun, in order to
prevent her marrying beneath her father's dignity. She had taken a great
liking to Louisa from the moment she came into the convent, and a
farther acquaintance ripened it into a sincere friendship. Tho' secluded
from the world, the austere air of a monastery had no effect upon her,
she still retained her former vivacity; and it was only in the
conversations these two had toge whenever they could separate from the
others, that Louisa found any cordial to revive her now almost
sinking spirits.
One day as she was ruminating on her melancholy affairs, this young nun
came hastily into her chamber, and with a countenance that, before she
spoke, denoted she had something very extraordinary to acquaint her
with, - dear sister, cried she, I bring you the most surprising news, but
such as will be my ruin if you take the least notice of receiving it
from me; and perhaps your own, if you seem to be acquainted with it
at all.
It is not to be doubted but Louisa gave her all the assurances she could
desire of an inviolable secrecy; after which, know then, resumed this
sweet-condition'd lady, that your lover, monsieur du Plessis, is not
only living, but as faithful as your soul can wish, or as you once
believed: - the cruelty of the abbess, and some of the sisterhood in the
plot with her, have concealed the letters he has sent to you, in order
to persuade you to become a nun: - I tremble to think of their hypocrisy
and deceit: - but what, continued she, is not to be expected from bigotry
and enthusiasm!
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