The Enamoured Dorilaus Having Now Brought Her To The Point He Aimed At,
Thought It Best To Throw Off The Mark At Once, And Leave Her No Longer
In Suspence.
- Behold then in me, said he, the person I have mentioned:
nor think me vain in ascribing those merits to myself which I would wish
to be the loadstone of your affection.
- My honour, I believe, you will
not call in question: - my humour you have never found capricious, or
difficult to please; and as for my love, you cannot but allow the
conquering that aversion, which myself, as well as all the world,
believed unalterable for a marriage state; besides a thousand other
scruples opposed my entering into it with you, is a proof greater than
almost any other man could give you. - There requires, therefore, my dear
Louisa, no time to convince you of what I am, or assure you of what I
may be; and I hope the affection you bore me, as a faithful friend, and
the protector of your innocence, will not be diminished on my making
this declaration.
The confusion in which this speech involved her is even impossible to be
conceived, much less can any words come up to its description: she
blushed; - she trembled; - she was ready to die between surprize, grief
and shame: - fain she would have spoke, but feared, lest what she should
say would either lose his friendship or encourage his passion. - Each
seemed equally dreadful to her: - no words presented themselves to her
distracted mind that she could think proper to utter, till he pressing
her several times to reply, and seeming a little to resent her
silence - Oh! sir, cried she, how is it possible for me to make any
answer to so strange a proposition! - you were not used to rally my
simplicity; nor can I think you mean what you now mention. If there
wanted no more, said he, than to prove the sincerity of my wishes in
this point to gain your approbation of them, my chaplain should this
moment put it past a doubt, and confirm my proposal: - but, pursued he, I
will not put your modesty to any farther shock at present; - all I
intreat is, that you will consider on what I have said, and what the
passion I am possessed of merits from you. In concluding these words he
kissed her with the utmost tenderness, and quitted her to speak to some
men who were at work in another part of the garden, leaving her to
meditate at liberty on this surprizing turn in her affairs.
It was indeed necessary he should do so, for the various agitations she
laboured under were so violent, as to be near throwing her into a
swoon. - She no sooner found herself alone, than she flew to her
chamber, and locked herself in, to prevent being interrupted by any of
the servants; and as in all emotions of the mind, especially in that of
a surprize, tears are a very great relief, her's found some ease from
the sources of her eyes. - Never had the most dutiful child loved the
tenderest of fathers more than she did Dorilaus; but then it was only a
filial affection, and the very thoughts of his regarding her with that
sort of passion she now found he did, had somewhat in them terribly
alarming. - All she could do to reconcile herself to what seemed to be
her fate was in vain. - This generous man who offers me his heart, said
she, is not my father, or any way of my blood: - he has all the
accomplishments of his whole sex centered in him. - I could wish to be
for ever near him. - All that I am is owing to his goodness. - How
wretched must I have been but for his bounty! - What unaccountable
prejudice is this then that strikes me with such horror at his
love! - what maid of birth and fortune equal to his own but would be
proud of his addresses; and shall I, a poor foundling, the creature of
his charity, not receive the honour he does me with the utmost
gratitude! - shall I reject a happiness so far beyond my expectation!
- so infinitely above any merit I can pretend to! - what must he think of
me if I refuse him! - how madly stupid, how blind to my own interest, how
thankless to him must I appear! - how will he despise my folly! - how
hate my ingratitude!
Thus did her reason combat with her prejudice, and she suffered much the
same agonies in endeavouring to love him in the manner he desired, as he
had done to conquer the inclination he had for her, and both alike were
fruitless. Yet was her condition much more to be commiserated: he had
only to debate within himself whether he should yield or not to the
suggestions of his own passion: she to subdue an aversion for what a
thousand reasons concurred to convince her she ought rather to be
ambitious of, and which in refusing she run the risque of being cast
off, and abandoned to beggary and ruin; and what was still more hateful
to her, being hated by that person who, next to her brother, she loved
above the world, tho' in a different way from that which could alone
content him.
Dorilaus, who had taken the disorder he perceived in her for no other
than the effects of a surprize, which a declaration, such as he had
made, might very well occasion, was perfectly contented in his mind, and
passed that night with much more tranquility than he had done many
preceding ones, while he suffered his cruel reason to war against the
dictates of his heart; but having now wholly given himself up to the
latter, the sweet delusion filled him with a thousand pleasing ideas,
and he thought of nothing but the happiness he should enjoy in the
possession of the amiable Louisa.
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