By What Has Been Already Said Of The Extreme Liking Which The First
Fight Of This Young Gentleman Inspired Louisa
With, it may easily be
supposed she could not hear his complaints, and be witness of the
anxieties she was
Enforced to inflict on him, without feeling at least
an equal share: she endeavoured not to conceal the pity she had for him;
but he now found that was far from being all he wanted, because it
forwarded not, as he at first imagined, the progress of his hopes, but
rather shewed them at more distance than ever.
The business of his love so engrossed his thoughts during this visit,
that he almost forgot to mention any thing of the count's designs upon
her, and she as little remembered to remind him of it, tho' he told her
on his entrance, that he had something to acquaint her with on his
subject, and it was not till he was going to take leave that it came
into his head. When he had related it to her, she assured him that she
took the caution he gave her as a new proof of his friendship, which,
said she, I shall always prize. At parting, she permitted him to salute
her, and gave her promise not to refuse seeing him while they continued
in that city; but told him at the same time, that he must not expect any
thing from his repeated visits more than she had already granted.
He durst not at that time press her any farther, but fetched a deep sigh
as he went out of the room, accompanied with a look more expressive than
any words could be of the discontent he laboured under, while she,
oppressed beneath the double weight of his and her own grief, remained
in a condition he was little able to form any conjecture of.
Pleased as she was with the presence of the only man who had ever had
power of inspiring her with one tender thought, yet a thousand times she
had wished him gone before he went, that she might be at liberty to give
vent to the struggling passions which were more than once ready to throw
her into a swoon. The perfections she saw in the person of her
lover; - the respect he treated her with, notwithstanding the violence of
the passion he was possessed of; - the sincerity that appeared in all his
looks and words; - the generosity of his behaviour in regard to her
fortune; - all the qualifications that would have made any other woman
blessed in the offer of such a heart, served but to make her wretched,
since she could not look on herself in a condition capable of
accepting it.
Alas! du Plessis, cried she, little do you think to whom you would ally
yourself: - you would, you say, despise a portion, but would you marry a
foundling, a child of charity, one that has neither name nor friends,
and who, in her best circumstances, is but a poor dependant, a servant
in effect, tho' not in shew, and owes her very cloaths to the bounty of
another? - Oh! why did the mistaken goodness of Dorilaus give me any
other education than such as befitted my wretched fortune! Better I had
been bred an humble drudge, and never been taught how to distinguish
merit: - What avail the accomplishments that cost him so much money, and
me so much pains to acquire, but to attract a short-liv'd admiration,
which, when I am truly known, will be succeeded with an adequate
derision: - Could I but say I was descended from honest, tho' mean
parents, I would not murmur at my fate, but I have none, - none to own
me; - I am a nothing, - a kind of reptile in humanity, and have been shewn
in a genteel way of life only to make my native misery more conspicuous.
Thus did love represent her unhappy circumstances in their worst
colours, and render her, which till now she had never been, thankless to
heaven for all the good she had received, since it seemed to deny her
the only good her passion coveted, that of being in a condition to
reward the affection of her dear du Plessis.
A torrent of tears at length somewhat mitigated the violence of her
passion, and unwilling to be seen by Melanthe in the present confusion
of her thoughts, she went to bed, leaving the same orders as she had
done the night before.
CHAP. XIV.
The base designs of the count de Bellfleur occasion a melancholy change
in Louisa's way of life; the generous behaviour of monsieur du Plessis
on that occasion.
Had the agonies Louisa suffered been of very long continuance, she must
have sunk under them; but grief is easily dissipated in a young heart,
and she awoke more tranquil. - The principles of religion grew stronger
as her passion weaker, and she reflected that she ought to submit in
every thing to the will of heaven, which sometimes converts what seems
the greatest evil into good. - The offer of such a match as monsieur du
Plessis, a man she loved, and who was master of accomplishments which
might excuse the most violent passion, appeared indeed a happiness she
would have gloried in had she been really such as he took her for; but
then she had known him but a very short time, had no experience of his
principles or humour; and tho' he seemed all honour, could not assure
herself that the generosity which so much engaged her might not be all
artifice; at least she found to think so would most contribute to her
ease, therefore indulged it as much as she was able. She condemned
herself for having given monsieur du Plessis permission to continue his
visits, after having assured him he had nothing to hope from them,
because a further conversation might only serve to render both more
unhappy. She resolved however to give him no opportunity of talking to
her of his passion, and in order to avoid thinking of it herself as much
as possible, to go, as usual, into all company that came to Melanthe,
and partake of every diversion that offered itself.
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