- In
The Mall, The Play-House, The Ring, At Bath Or Tunbridge, He Was Always
With Me; Nor Would Any Thing Indeed Have Been A Diversion To Me Had He
Been Absent.
For upwards of a year I had no reason to complain of his want of
assiduity to me, tho'
I have since heard even in that time he had other
amours with women who carried them on with more prudence than I was
mistress of; but I had afterwards a stabbing proof of his insincerity
and inconstancy.
Perceiving a great alteration in his behaviour, that he visited me less
frequently, and when he came, the ardours he was accustomed to treat me
with still more and more languid and enforced, I upbraided him in terms
which, tho' they shewed more love than resentment, and had he retained
any tolerable remains of tenderness for me, must have been rather
obliging than the contrary, he affected to take extremely ill, and told
me plainly, that nothing was so dear to him as his peace, - that he was
not of a temper to endure reproaches, and that, if I desired the
continuance of our amour, I must be satisfied with him as he was. These
cool, and indeed insolent replies made me almost distracted; and
beginning to suspect he had some new engagement, I talked to him in a
manner as if I had been assured of it: - he, perhaps, imagining it was
so, made no efforts to cure my jealousy, but behaved with so cruel an
indifference as confirmed my apprehensions.
Resolving to be convinced whether I really had any rival or not, I
employed spies to observe where-ever he went, and to whom; but alass,
there required little pains to acquire the intelligence I fought. - I
was soon informed that he was every day with the daughter of a little
mechanic; - that he made her very rich presents, procured a commission in
the army for one of her brothers, and in fine, that he was as much
devoted to her as a man of his inconstant temper could be to any woman.
How severe a mortification was this to my pride! but it had this good
attending it, that it very much abated my love: - to be abandoned for so
mean a creature, and who had nothing but youth and a tolerable face to
recommend her, shewed such a want of taste as well as gratitude, as
rendered despicable in my eyes what had lately engrossed all my love and
admiration. - The moment I received the information I sent for him; - and
forcing my countenance to a serenity my heart was a stranger to, told
him it was only to take a last leave of a person whom I had been so far
mistaken in as to think deserving my affection: that I desired to see
him once more, but having now seen my error, desired he would desist his
visits for the future. He asked me with the same calmness he had lately
behaved with, what whim I had got in my head now, I, who had before
determined not to feed my rival's pride by shewing any jealousy of her,
only replied, that as amours, such as ours had been, must have an end
some time or other, - I thought none could be more proper than the
present, because I believed both of us could do it without pain.
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