Let This Serve As A
Hint To All Haberdashers, Who Have Pretty Daughters For Shop-Girls, And
Young Students For Customers.
I do not know whether my words and looks
were very eloquent; but my poetry was irresistible; for, to tell the
truth, the girl had some literary taste, and was seldom without a book
from the circulating library.
By the divine power of poetry, therefore, which is irresistible with
the lovely sex, did I subdue the heart of this fair little haberdasher.
We carried on a sentimental correspondence for a time across the
counter, and I supplied her with rhyme by the stockingful. At length I
prevailed on her to grant me an assignation. But how was it to be
effected? Her father kept her always under his eye; she never walked
out alone; and the house was locked up the moment that the shop was
shut. All these difficulties served but to give zest to the adventure.
I proposed that the assignation should be in her own chamber, into
which I would climb at night. The plan was irresistible. A cruel
father, a secret lover, and a clandestine meeting! All the little
girl's studies from the circulating library seemed about to be
realised. But what had I in view in making this assignation? Indeed I
know not. I had no evil intentions; nor can I say that I had any good
ones. I liked the girl, and wanted to have an opportunity of seeing
more of her; and the assignation was made, as I have done many things
else, heedlessly and without forethought. I asked myself a few
questions of the kind, after all my arrangements were made; but the
answers were very unsatisfactory. "Am I to ruin this poor thoughtless
girl?" said I to myself. "No!" was the prompt and indignant answer. "Am
I to run away with her?" "Whither - and to what purpose?" "Well, then,
am I to marry her!" - "Pah! a man of my expectations marry a
shopkeeper's daughter!" "What, then, am I to do with her?"
"Hum - why. - Let me get into her chamber first, and then consider" - and
so the self-examination ended.
Well, sir, "come what come might," I stole under cover of the darkness
to the dwelling of my dulcinea. All was quiet. At the concerted signal
her window was gently opened. It was just above the projecting
bow-window of her father's shop, which assisted me in mounting. The
house was low, and I was enabled to scale the fortress with tolerable
ease. I clambered with a beating heart; I reached the casement; I
hoisted my body half into the chamber and was welcomed, not by the
embraces of my expecting fair one, but by the grasp of the
crabbed-looking old father in the crisp curled wig.
I extricated myself from his clutches and endeavored to make my
retreat; but I was confounded by his cries of thieves! and robbers! I
was bothered, too, by his Sunday cane; which was amazingly busy about
my head as I descended; and against which my hat was but a poor
protection.
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