I Could Not Evade The
Inquiry, For My Heart Was Full To Aching.
I told her all the conflict
of my soul; my devouring passion, my bitter self-upbraiding.
"Yes!"
said I, "I am unworthy of you. I am an offcast from my family - a
wanderer - a nameless, homeless wanderer, with nothing but poverty for
my portion, and yet I have dared to love you - have dared to aspire to
your love!"
My agitation moved her to tears; but she saw nothing in my situation so
hopeless as I had depicted it. Brought up in a convent, she knew
nothing of the world, its wants, its cares; - and, indeed, what woman is
a worldly casuist in matters of the heart! - Nay, more - she kindled into
a sweet enthusiasm when she spoke of my fortunes and myself. We had
dwelt together on the works of the famous masters. I had related to her
their histories; the high reputation, the influence, the magnificence
to which they had attained; - the companions of princes, the favorites
of kings, the pride and boast of nations. All this she applied to me.
Her love saw nothing in their greatest productions that I was not able
to achieve; and when I saw the lovely creature glow with fervor, and
her whole countenance radiant with the visions of my glory, which
seemed breaking upon her, I was snatched up for the moment into the
heaven of her own imagination.
I am dwelling too long upon this part of my story; yet I cannot help
Lingering over a period of my life, on which, with all its cares and
conflicts, I look back with fondness; for as yet my soul was unstained
by a crime.
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