I was pleased with the disguise, because it
kept me from the danger of being discovered, whilst we were in that
part of the country; and, as I had merely to dance and make antics, the
character was favorable to a debutant, being almost on a par with Simon
Snug's part of the Lion, which required nothing but roaring.
I cannot tell you how happy I was at this sudden change in my
situation. I felt no degradation, for I had seen too little of society
to be thoughtful about the differences of rank; and a boy of sixteen is
seldom aristocratical. I had given up no friend; for there seemed to be
no one in the world that cared for me, now my poor mother was dead. I
had given up no pleasure; for my pleasure was to ramble about and
indulge the flow of a poetical imagination; and I now enjoyed it in
perfection. There is no life so truly poetical as that of a dancing
buffoon.
It may be said that all this argued grovelling inclinations. I do not
think so; not that I mean to vindicate myself in any great degree; I
know too well what a whimsical compound I am. But in this instance I
was seduced by no love of low company, nor disposition to indulge in
low vices. I have always despised the brutally vulgar; and I have
always had a disgust at vice, whether in high or low life. I was
governed merely by a sudden and thoughtless impulse. I had no idea of
resorting to this profession as a mode of life; or of attaching myself
to these people, as my future class of society. I thought merely of a
temporary gratification of my curiosity, and an indulgence of my
humors. I had already a strong relish for the peculiarities of
character and the varieties of situation, and I have always been fond
of the comedy of life, and desirous of seeing it through all its
shifting scenes.
In mingling, therefore, among mountebanks and buffoons I was protected
by the very vivacity of imagination which had led me among them. I
moved about enveloped, as it were, in a protecting delusion, which my
fancy spread around me. I assimilated to these people only as they
struck me poetically; their whimsical ways and a certain
picturesqueness in their mode of life entertained me; but I was neither
amused nor corrupted by their vices. In short, I mingled among them, as
Prince Hal did among his graceless associates, merely to gratify my
humor.
I did not investigate my motives in this manner, at the time, for I was
too careless and thoughtless to reason about the matter; but I do so
now, when I look back with trembling to think of the ordeal to which I
unthinkingly exposed myself, and the manner in which I passed through
it.
