My Poetical Temperament Evinced Itself At A Very Early Period.
The
Village church was attended every Sunday by a neighboring squire - the
lord of the manor, whose park stretched
Quite to the village, and whose
spacious country seat seemed to take the church under its protection.
Indeed, you would have thought the church had been consecrated to him
instead of to the Deity. The parish clerk bowed low before him, and the
vergers humbled themselves into the dust in his presence. He always
entered a little late and with some stir, striking his cane
emphatically on the ground; swaying his hat in his hand, and looking
loftily to the right and left, as he walked slowly up the aisle, and
the parson, who always ate his Sunday dinner with him, never commenced
service until he appeared. He sat with his family in a large pew
gorgeously lined, humbling himself devoutly on velvet cushions, and
reading lessons of meekness and lowliness of spirit out of splendid
gold and morocco prayer-books. Whenever the parson spoke of the
difficulty of the rich man's entering the kingdom of heaven, the eyes
of the congregation would turn towards the "grand pew," and I thought
the squire seemed pleased with the application.
The pomp of this pew and the aristocratical air of the family struck My
imagination wonderfully, and I fell desperately in love with a little
daughter of the squire's about twelve years of age. This freak of fancy
made me more truant from my studies than ever. I used to stroll about
the squire's park, and would lurk near the house to catch glimpses of
this little damsel at the windows, or playing about the lawns, or
walking out with her governess.
I had not enterprise or impudence enough to venture from my
concealment; indeed, I felt like an arrant poacher, until I read one or
two of Ovid's Metamorphoses, when I pictured myself as some sylvan
deity, and she a coy wood nymph of whom I was in pursuit. There is
something extremely delicious in these early awakenings of the tender
passion. I can feel, even at this moment, the thrilling of my boyish
bosom, whenever by chance I caught a glimpse of her white frock
fluttering among the shrubbery. I now began to read poetry. I carried
about in my bosom a volume of Waller, which I had purloined from my
mother's library; and I applied to my little fair one all the
compliments lavished upon Sacharissa.
At length I danced with her at a school ball. I was so awkward a booby,
that I dared scarcely speak to her; I was filled with awe and
embarrassment in her presence; but I was so inspired that my poetical
temperament for the first time broke out in verse; and I fabricated
some glowing lines, in which I be-rhymed the little lady under the
favorite name of Sacharissa. I slipped the verses, trembling and
blushing, into her hand the next Sunday as she came out of church. The
little prude handed them to her mamma; the mamma handed them to the
squire, the squire, who had no soul for poetry, sent them in dudgeon to
the school-master; and the school-master, with a barbarity worthy of
the dark ages, gave me a sound and peculiarly humiliating flogging for
thus trespassing upon Parnassus.
This was a sad outset for a votary of the muse. It ought to have cured
me of my passion for poetry; but it only confirmed it, for I felt the
spirit of a martyr rising within me. What was as well, perhaps, it
cured me of my passion for the young lady; for I felt so indignant at
the ignominious horsing I had incurred in celebrating her charms, that
I could not hold up my head in church.
Fortunately for my wounded sensibility, the midsummer holydays came on,
and I returned home. My mother, as usual, inquired into all my school
concerns, my little pleasures, and cares, and sorrows; for boyhood has
its share of the one as well as of the others. I told her all, and she
was indignant at the treatment I had experienced. She fired up at the
arrogance of the squire, and the prudery of the daughter; and as to the
school-master, she wondered where was the use of having school-masters,
and why boys could not remain at home and be educated by tutors, under
the eye of their mothers. She asked to see the verses I had written,
and she was delighted with them; for to confess the truth, she had a
pretty taste in poetry. She even showed to them to the parson's wife,
who protested they were charming, and the parson's three daughters
insisted on each having a copy of them.
All this was exceedingly balsamic, and I was still more consoled and
encouraged, when the young ladies, who were the blue-stockings of the
neighborhood, and had read Dr. Johnson's lives quite through, assured
my mother that great geniuses never studied, but were always idle; upon
which I began to surmise that I was myself something out of the common
run. My father, however, was of a very different opinion, for when my
mother, in the pride of her heart, showed him my copy of verses, he
threw them out of the window, asking her "if she meant to make a ballad
monger of the boy." But he was a careless, common-thinking man, and I
cannot say that I ever loved him much; my mother absorbed all my filial
affection.
I used occasionally, during holydays, to be sent on short visits to the
uncle, who was to make me his heir; they thought it would keep me in
his mind, and render him fond of me. He was a withered, anxious-looking
old fellow, and lived in a desolate old country seat, which he suffered
to go to ruin from absolute niggardliness. He kept but one man-servant,
who had lived, or rather starved, with him for years.
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