By Degrees The Dancing Mania Seemed To
Seize Upon All The Other Pieces Of Furniture.
The antique, long-bodied
chairs paired off in couples and led down a country dance; a
three-legged stool danced a hornpipe, though horribly puzzled by its
supernumerary leg; while the amorous tongs seized the shovel round the
waist, and whirled it about the room in a German waltz.
In short, all
the moveables got in motion, capering about; pirouetting, hands across,
right and left, like so many devils, all except a great clothes-press,
which kept curtseying and curtseying, like a dowager, in one corner, in
exquisite time to the music; - being either too corpulent to dance, or
perhaps at a loss for a partner.
My grandfather concluded the latter to be the reason; so, being, like a
true Irishman, devoted to the sex, and at all times ready for a frolic,
he bounced into the room, calling to the musician to strike up "Paddy
O'Rafferty," capered up to the clothes-press and seized upon two
handles to lead her out: - When, whizz! - the whole revel was at an end.
The chairs, tables, tongs, and shovel slunk in an instant as quietly
into their places as if nothing had happened; and the musician vanished
up the chimney, leaving the bellows behind him in his hurry. My
grandfather found himself seated in the middle of the floor, with the
clothes-press sprawling before him, and the two handles jerked off and
in his hands.
"Then after all, this was a mere dream!" said the inquisitive
gentleman.
"The divil a bit of a dream!" replied the Irishman: "there never was a
truer fact in this world. Faith, I should have liked to see any man
tell my grandfather it was a dream."
Well, gentlemen, as the clothes-press was a mighty heavy body, and my
grandfather likewise, particularly in rear, you may easily suppose two
such heavy bodies coming to the ground would make a bit of a noise.
Faith, the old mansion shook as though it had mistaken it for an
earthquake. The whole garrison was alarmed. The landlord, who slept
just below, hurried up with a candle to inquire the cause, but with all
his haste his daughter had hurried to the scene of uproar before him.
The landlord was followed by the landlady, who was followed by the
bouncing bar-maid, who was followed by the simpering chambermaids all
holding together, as well as they could, such garments as they had
first lain hands on; but all in a terrible hurry to see what the devil
was to pay in the chamber of the bold dragoon.
My grandfather related the marvellous scene he had witnessed, and the
prostrate clothes-press, and the broken handles, bore testimony to the
fact. There was no contesting such evidence; particularly with a lad of
my grandfather's complexion, who seemed able to make good every word
either with sword or shillelah. So the landlord scratched his head and
looked silly, as he was apt to do when puzzled.
Enter page number
PreviousNext
Page 22 of 223
Words from 11129 to 11638
of 115667
