They were incessantly bringing some disgrace upon the
theatre by their tavern frolics, and their pranks about the country
town. All my lectures upon the importance of keeping up the dignity of
the profession, and the respectability of the company were in vain. The
villains could not sympathize with the delicate feelings of a man in
station. They even trifled with the seriousness of stage business. I
have had the whole piece interrupted, and a crowded audience of at
least twenty-five pounds kept waiting, because the actors had hid away
the breeches of Rosalind, and have known Hamlet stalk solemnly on to
deliver his soliloquy, with a dish-clout pinned to his skirts. Such are
the baleful consequences of a manager's getting a character for good
nature.
I was intolerably annoyed, too, by the great actors who came down
starring, as it is called, from London. Of all baneful influences,
keep me from that of a London star. A first-rate actress going the
rounds of the country theatres, is as bad as a blazing comet, whisking
about the heavens, and shaking fire, and plagues, and discords from its
tail.
The moment one of these "heavenly bodies" appeared on my horizon, I was
sure to be in hot water. My theatre was overrun by provincial dandies,
copper-washed counterfeits of Bond street loungers; who are always
proud to be in the train of an actress from town, and anxious to be
thought on exceeding good terms with her. It was really a relief to me
when some random young nobleman would come in pursuit of the bait, and
awe all this small fry to a distance. I have always felt myself more at
ease with a nobleman than with the dandy of a country town.
And then the injuries I suffered in my personal dignity and my
managerial authority from the visits of these great London actors. Sir,
I was no longer master of myself or my throne. I was hectored and
lectured in my own green-room, and made an absolute nincompoop on my
own stage. There is no tyrant so absolute and capricious as a London
star at a country theatre.
I dreaded the sight of all of them; and yet if I did not engage them, I
was sure of having the public clamorous against me. They drew full
houses, and appeared to be making my fortune; but they swallowed up all
the profits by their insatiable demands. They were absolute tape-worms
to my little theatre; the more it took in, the poorer it grew. They
were sure to leave me with an exhausted public, empty benches, and a
score or two of affronts to settle among the townsfolk, in consequence
of misunderstandings about the taking of places.
