"Here is an opportunity, for instance," I said,
and I read aloud-
"'S.G., of Kensington, will post 'Woman' three days old regularly
for a box of cut flowers.'"
"Rather young," said Mr. Beresford, "or I'd answer that
advertisement myself."
I wanted to tell him I didn't suppose that he could find anything
too young for his taste, but I didn't dare.
"Salemina adores cats," I went on. "How is this, Sally, dear?-
"'A handsome orange male Persian cat, also a tabby, immense coat,
brushes and frills, is offered in exchange for an electro-plated
revolving covered dish or an Allen's Vapour Bath.'"
"I should like the cat, but alas! I have no covered dish," sighed
Salemina.
"Buy one," suggested Mr. Beresford. "Even then you'd be getting a
bargain. Do you understand that you receive the male orange cat for
the dish, and the frilled tabby for the bath, or do you get both in
exchange for either of these articles? Read on, Miss Hamilton."
"Very well, here is one for Francesca-
"'A harmonium with seven stops is offered in exchange for a really
good Plymouth cockerel hatched in May.'"
"I should want to know when the harmonium was hatched," said
Francesca prudently. "Now you cannot usurp the platform entirely,
my dear Pen. Listen to an English marriage notice from the Times.
It chances to be the longest one to-day, but there were others just
as remarkable in yesterday's issue.
"'On the 17th instant, at Emmanuel Church (Countess of Padelford's
connection), Weston-super-Mare, by the Rev. Canon Vernon, B.D.,
Rector of St. Edmund the King and Martyr, Suffolk Street, uncle of
bride, assisted by the Rev. Otho Pelham, M.A., Vicar of All Saints,
Upper Norwood, Dr. Philosophial Konrad Rasch, of Koetzsenbroda,
Saxony, to Evelyn Whitaker Rake, widow of the late Richard Balaclava
Rake, Barrister-at-law of the Inner Temple and Bombay, and third
surviving daughter of George Frederic Goldspink, C.B., of Sydenham
House, Craig Hill, Commissioner of Her Majesty's Customs, and
formerly of the War Office.'"
By the time this was finished we were all quite exhausted, but we
revived like magic when Salemina read us her contribution:-
"'A NAME ENSHRINED IN LITERATURE AND RENOWNED IN COMMERCE, - Miss
Willard, Waddington, Essex. Deal with her whenever you possibly
can. When you want to purchase, ask her for anything under the
canopy of heaven, from jewels, bijouterie, and curios to rare books
and high-class articles of utility. When you want to sell, consign
only to her, from choice gems to mundane objects. All transactions
embodying the germs of small profits are welcome. As a sample of
her stock please note: A superlatively exquisite, essentially
beautiful, and important lace flounce for sale, at a reasonable
price. Also a bargain of peerlessly choice character. - Six grandly
glittering paste cluster buttons, of important size, emitting
dazzling rays of incomparable splendour and lustre. Don't readily
forget this or her name and address, - Clara (Miss) Willard (the Lady
Trader), Waddington, Essex. Immaculate promptitude and scrupulous
liberality observed: therefore, on these credentials, ye must deal
with her; it is the duty of intellect to be reciprocal.'"
Just here Dawson entered, evidently to lay the dinner-cloth, but,
seeing that we had a visitor, he took the tea-tray and retired
discreetly.
"It is five-and-thirty minutes past six, Mr. Beresford," I said.
"Do you think you can get to the Metropole and array yourself and
return in less than an hour? Because, even if you can, remember
that we ladies have elaborate toilets in prospect, - toilets intended
for the complete prostration of the British gentry. Francesca has a
yellow gown which will drive Bertie Godolphin to madness. Salemina
has laid out a soft, dovelike grey and steel combination, directed
towards the Church of England; for you may not know that Sally has a
vicar in her train, Mr. Beresford, and he will probably speak to-
night. As for me-"
Before these shocking personalities were finished Salemina and
Francesca had fled to their rooms, and Mr. Beresford took up my
broken sentence and said, "As for you, Miss Hamilton, whatever gown
you wear, you are sure to make one man speak, if you care about it;
but, I suppose, you would not listen to him unless he were English";
and with that shot he departed.
I really think I shall have to give up the Francesca hypothesis,
and, alas! I am not quite ready to adopt any other.
We discussed international marriages while we were at our toilets,
Salemina and I prinking by the light of one small candle-end, while
Francesca, as the youngest and prettiest, illuminated her charms
with the six sitting-room candles and three filched from the little
table in the hall.
I gave it as my humble opinion that for an American woman an English
husband was at least an experiment; Salemina declared that for that
matter a husband of any nationality was an experiment. Francesca
ended the conversation flippantly by saying that in her judgment no
husband at all was a much more hazardous experiment.
Chapter XI. The ball on the opposite side.
We are all three rather tired this morning, - Salemina, Francesca,
and I, - for we went to one of the smartest balls of the London
season last night, and were robbed of half our customary allowance
of sleep in consequence.
It may be difficult for you to understand our weariness, when I
confess that the ball was not quite of the usual sort; that we did
not dance at all; and, what is worse, that we were not asked, either
to tread a measure, or sit out a polka, or take 'one last turn.'
To begin at the beginning, there is a large vacant house directly
opposite Smith's Private Hotel, and there has been hanging from its
balcony, until very lately, a sign bearing the following notice:-
THESE COMMANDING PREMISES
WITH A SUPERFICIAL AREA OF
10,000 FT.
