And as I had fail'd in waiting upon her, had bid her enquire if I
had left Paris; and if so, whether I had not left a letter
addressed to her.
As the fair fille de chambre was so near my door, she returned
back, and went into the room with me for a moment or two whilst I
wrote a card.
It was a fine still evening in the latter end of the month of May,-
-the crimson window curtains (which were of the same colour as
those of the bed) were drawn close: - the sun was setting, and
reflected through them so warm a tint into the fair fille de
chambre's face, - I thought she blush'd; - the idea of it made me
blush myself: - we were quite alone; and that superinduced a second
blush before the first could get off.
There is a sort of a pleasing half guilty blush, where the blood is
more in fault than the man: - 'tis sent impetuous from the heart,
and virtue flies after it, - not to call it back, but to make the
sensation of it more delicious to the nerves: - 'tis associated. -
But I'll not describe it; - I felt something at first within me
which was not in strict unison with the lesson of virtue I had
given her the night before. - I sought five minutes for a card; - I
knew I had not one. - I took up a pen. - I laid it down again; - my
hand trembled: - the devil was in me.
I know as well as any one he is an adversary, whom, if we resist,
he will fly from us; - but I seldom resist him at all; from a
terror, though I may conquer, I may still get a hurt in the
combat; - so I give up the triumph for security; and, instead of
thinking to make him fly, I generally fly myself.
The fair fille de chambre came close up to the bureau where I was
looking for a card - took up first the pen I cast down, then offer'd
to hold me the ink; she offer'd it so sweetly, I was going to
accept it; - but I durst not; - I have nothing, my dear, said I, to
write upon. - Write it, said she, simply, upon anything. -
I was just going to cry out, Then I will write it, fair girl! upon
thy lips. -
If I do, said I, I shall perish; - so I took her by the hand, and
led her to the door, and begg'd she would not forget the lesson I
had given her. - She said, indeed she would not; - and, as she
uttered it with some earnestness, she turn'd about, and gave me
both her hands, closed together, into mine; - it was impossible not
to compress them in that situation; - I wish'd to let them go; and
all the time I held them, I kept arguing within myself against it,-
-and still I held them on.
