That the beds we were to lie in were in one and the same room, was
enough simply by itself to have excited all this; - but the position
of them, for they stood parallel, and so very close to each other
as only to allow space for a small wicker chair betwixt them,
rendered the affair still more oppressive to us; - they were fixed
up moreover near the fire; and the projection of the chimney on one
side, and a large beam which cross'd the room on the other, formed
a kind of recess for them that was no way favourable to the nicety
of our sensations: - if anything could have added to it, it was
that the two beds were both of them so very small, as to cut us off
from every idea of the lady and the maid lying together; which in
either of them, could it have been feasible, my lying beside them,
though a thing not to be wish'd, yet there was nothing in it so
terrible which the imagination might not have pass'd over without
torment.
As for the little room within, it offer'd little or no consolation
to us: 'twas a damp, cold closet, with a half dismantled window-
shutter, and with a window which had neither glass nor oil paper in
it to keep out the tempest of the night. I did not endeavour to
stifle my cough when the lady gave a peep into it; so it reduced
the case in course to this alternative - That the lady should
sacrifice her health to her feelings, and take up with the closet
herself, and abandon the bed next mine to her maid, - or that the
girl should take the closet, &c., &c.
The lady was a Piedmontese of about thirty, with a glow of health
in her cheeks. The maid was a Lyonoise of twenty, and as brisk and
lively a French girl as ever moved. - There were difficulties every
way, - and the obstacle of the stone in the road, which brought us
into the distress, great as it appeared whilst the peasants were
removing it, was but a pebble to what lay in our ways now. - I have
only to add, that it did not lessen the weight which hung upon our
spirits, that we were both too delicate to communicate what we felt
to each other upon the occasion.
We sat down to supper; and had we not had more generous wine to it
than a little inn in Savoy could have furnish'd, our tongues had
been tied up, till necessity herself had set them at liberty; - but
the lady having a few bottles of Burgundy in her voiture, sent down
her fille de chambre for a couple of them; so that by the time
supper was over, and we were left alone, we felt ourselves inspired
with a strength of mind sufficient to talk, at least, without
reserve upon our situation. We turn'd it every way, and debated
and considered it in all kinds of lights in the course of a two
hours' negotiation; at the end of which the articles were settled
finally betwixt us, and stipulated for in form and manner of a
treaty of peace, - and I believe with as much religion and good
faith on both sides as in any treaty which has yet had the honour
of being handed down to posterity.
They were as follow: -
First, as the right of the bed-chamber is in Monsieur, - and he
thinking the bed next to the fire to be the warmest, he insists
upon the concession on the lady's side of taking up with it.
Granted, on the part of Madame; with a proviso, That as the
curtains of that bed are of a flimsy transparent cotton, and appear
likewise too scanty to draw close, that the fille de chambre shall
fasten up the opening, either by corking pins, or needle and
thread, in such manner as shall be deem'd a sufficient barrier on
the side of Monsieur.
2dly. It is required on the part of Madame, that Monsieur shall
lie the whole night through in his robe de chambre.
Rejected: inasmuch as Monsieur is not worth a robe de chambre; he
having nothing in his portmanteau but six shirts and a black silk
pair of breeches.
The mentioning the silk pair of breeches made an entire change of
the article, - for the breeches were accepted as an equivalent for
the robe de chambre; and so it was stipulated and agreed upon, that
I should lie in my black silk breeches all night.
3dly. It was insisted upon and stipulated for by the lady, that
after Monsieur was got to bed, and the candle and fire
extinguished, that Monsieur should not speak one single word the
whole night.
Granted; provided Monsieur's saying his prayers might not be deemed
an infraction of the treaty.
There was but one point forgot in this treaty, and that was the
manner in which the lady and myself should be obliged to undress
and get to bed; - there was but one way of doing it, and that I
leave to the reader to devise; protesting as I do it, that if it is
not the most delicate in nature, 'tis the fault of his own
imagination, - against which this is not my first complaint.
Now, when we were got to bed, whether it was the novelty of the
situation, or what it was, I know not; but so it was, I could not
shut my eyes; I tried this side, and that, and turn'd and turn'd
again, till a full hour after midnight; when Nature and patience
both wearing out, - O, my God!
