And in Tidewater Maryland, terrapin and canvasback; and in Illinois,
young gray squirrels on toast; and in South Carolina, boiled rice
with black-eyed peas; and in Colorado, cantaloupes; and in Kansas,
young sweet corn; and in Virginia, country hams, not cured with
chemicals but with hickory smoke and loving hands; and in Tennessee,
jowl and greens.
And elsewhere they should have their whacking fill of prairie hen
and suckling pig and barbecued shote, and sure-enough beefsteak,
and goobers hot from the parching box; and scrapple, and yams
roasted in hot wood-ashes; and hotbiscuit and waffles and Parker
house rolls - and the thousand and one other good things that may
be found in this our country, and which are distinctively and
uniquely of this country.
Finally I would bring them back by way of Richmond, and there I
would give them each an eggnog compounded with fresh cream and
made according to a recipe older than the Revolution. If I had
my way about it no living creature should be denied the right to
bury his face in a brimming tumbler of that eggnog - except a man
with a drooping red mustache.
By the time those gorged and converted pilgrims touched the Eastern
seaboard again any one of them, if he caught fire, would burn for
about four days with a clear blue flame, and many valuable
packing-house by-products could be gleaned from his ruins. It
would bind us all, foreigner and native alike, in closer ties of
love and confidence, and it would turn the tide of travel westward
from Europe, instead of eastward from America.
Let's do it sometime - and appoint me conductor of the expedition!
Chapter X
Modes of the Moment; a Fashion Article
Among the furbearing races the adult male of the French species
easily excels. Some fine peltries are to be seen in Italy, and
there is a type of farming Englishman who wears a stiff set of
burnishers projecting out round his face in a circular effect
suggestive of a halo that has slipped down. In connection with
whiskers I have heard the Russians highly commended. They tell
me that, from a distance, it is very hard to distinguish a muzhik
from a bosky dell, whereas a grand duke nearly always reminds one
of something tasty and luxuriant in the line of ornamental arborwork.
The German military man specializes in mustaches, preference being
given to the Texas longhorn mustache, and the walrus and kitty-cat
styles. A dehorned German officer is rarely found and a muley one
is practically unknown. But the French lead all the world in
whiskers - both the wildwood variety and the domesticated kind
trained on a trellis. I mention this here at the outset because
no Frenchman is properly dressed unless he is whiskered also;
such details properly appertain to a chapter on European dress.
