You will have to go back and
live on the train, which is, indeed, a frightful fate to contemplate.
Fifth - Reach the station half an hour before the train starts and
claim your seat; then tip the guard liberally to keep other
passengers out of your compartment. He has no intention of doing
so, but it is customary for Americans to go through this pleasing
formality - and it is expected of them.
Sixth - Tip everybody on the train who wears a uniform. Be not
afraid of hurting some one's feelings by offering a tip to the
wrong person. There will not be any wrong person. A tip is the
one form of insult that anybody in Europe will take.
Seventh - Before entering the train inhale deeply several times.
This will be your last chance of getting any fresh air until you
reach your destination. For self-defense against the germ life
prevailing in the atmosphere of the unventilated compartments,
smoke a German cigar. A German cigar keeps off any disease except
the cholera; it gives you the cholera.
Eighth - Do not linger on the platform, waiting for the locomotive
whistle to blow, or the bell to ring, or somebody to yell "All
aboard!" If you do this you will probably keep on lingering until
the following morning at seven.
