All his family felt that way about it.
"Then, sir," said the first man with a rare dignity, "I regret to
wound your feelings; but my sensibilities are such that I cannot
accept, even temporarily, the use of a pair of trousers from the
loan collection of a person who entertains such false and erroneous
conceptions. I have the pleasure, sir, of wishing you good night."
With these words he shucked off the borrowed habiliments and slammed
them into the abashed bosom of the obstinate stranger and went
back to his captivity - pantless, 'tis true, but with his honor
unimpaired.
Chapter XV
Symptoms of the Disease
The majority of these all-night places in Paris are singularly and
monotonously alike. In the early hours of the evening the musicians
rest from their labors; the regular habitues lay aside their air
of professional abandon; with true French frugality the lights
burn dim and low. But anon sounds the signal from the front of
the house. Strike up the band; here comes a sucker! Somebody
resembling ready money has arrived. The lights flash on, the
can-canners take the floor, the garcons flit hither and yon, and
all is excitement.
Enter the opulent American gentleman. Half a dozen functionaries
greet him rapturously, bowing before his triumphant progress.
Others relieve him of his hat and his coat, so that he cannot
escape prematurely. A whole reception committee escorts him to a
place of honor facing the dancing arena. The natives of the quarter
stand in rows in the background, drinking beer or nothing at all;
but the distinguished stranger sits at a front table and is served
with champagne, and champagne only. It is inferior champagne; but
because it is labeled American Brut - what ever that may denote - and
because there is a poster on the bottle showing the American flag
in the correct colors, he pays several times its proper value for
it. From far corners and remote recesses coryphees and court
jesters swarm forth to fawn on him, bask in his presence, glory
in his smile - and sell him something. The whole thing is as
mercenary as passing the hat. Cigarette girls, flower girls and
bonbon girls, postcard venders and confetti dispensers surround
him impenetrably, taking him front, rear, by the right flank and
the left; and they shove their wares in his face and will not take
No for an answer; but they will take anything else.
Two years ago at a hunting camp in North Carolina, I thought I had
met the creature with the most acute sense of hearing of any living
thing. I refer to Pearl, the mare. Pearl was an elderly mare,
white in color and therefore known as Pearl. She was most gentle
and kind. She was a reliable family animal too - had a colt every
year - but in her affiliations she was a pronounced reactionary.
She went through life listening for somebody to say Whoa! Her ears
were permanently slanted backward on that very account. She
belonged to the Whoa Lodge, which has a large membership among
humans.
Riding behind Pearl you uttered the talismanic word in the thinnest
thread of a whisper and instantly she stopped. You could spell
Whoa! on your fingers, and she would stop. You could take a pencil
and a piece of paperout of your pocket and write down Whoa! - and
she would stop; but, compared with a sample assortment of these
cabaret satellites, Pearl would have seemed deaf as a post. Clear
across a hundred-foot dance-hall they catch the sound of a restless
dollar turning over in the fob pocket of an American tourist.
And they come a-running and get it. Under the circumstances it
requires self-hypnotism of a high order, and plenty of it, to make
an American think he is enjoying himself. Still, he frequently
attains to that happy comsummation. To begin with, is he not in
Gay Paree? - as it is familiarly called in Rome Center and all
points West? He is! Has he not kicked over the traces and cut loose
with intent to be oh, so naughty for one naughty night of his life?
Such are the facts. Finally, and herein lies the proof conclusive,
he is spending a good deal of money and is getting very little in
return for it. Well, then, what better evidence is required? Any
time he is paying four or five prices for what he buys and does
not particularly need it - or want it after it is bought - the average
American can delude himself into the belief that he is having a
brilliant evening. This is a racial trait worthy of the scientific
consideration of Professor Hugo Munsterberg and other students of
our national psychology. So far the Munsterberg school has
overlooked it - but the canny Parisians have not. They long ago
studied out every quirk and wriggle of it, and capitalized it to
their own purpose. Liberality! Economy! Frugality! - there they
are, everywhere blazoned forth - Liberality for you, Economy and
Frugality for them. Could anything on earth be fairer than that?
Even so, the rapturous reception accorded to a North American pales
to a dim and flickery puniness alongside the perfect riot and
whirlwind of enthusiasm which marks the entry into an all-night
place of a South American. Time was when, to the French understanding,
exuberant prodigality and the United States were terms synonymous;
that time has passed. Of recent years our young kinsmen from the
sister republics nearer the Equator and the Horn have invaded Paris
in numbers, bringing their impulsive temperaments and their bankrolls
with them. Thanks to these young cattle kings, these callow silver
princes from Argentina and Brazil, from Peru and from Ecuador, a
new and more gorgeous standard for money wasting has been established.
You had thought, perchance, there was no rite and ceremonial quite
so impressive as a head waiter in a Fifth Avenue restaurant squeezing
the blood out of a semi-raw canvasback in a silver duck press for
a free spender from Butte or Pittsburgh.
