Another interesting point: The engine
does not say Choo-choo as in our country - it says Tut-tut.
Ninth - In England, for convenience in claiming your baggage, change
your name to Xenophon or Zymology - there are always about the
baggage such crowds of persons who have the commoner initials,
such as T for Thompson, J for Jones, and S for Smith. When next
I go to England my name will be Zoroaster - Quintus P. Zoroaster.
Tenth - If possible avoid patronizing the so-called refreshment
wagons or dining cars, which are expensive and uniformly bad.
Live off the country. Remember, the country is living off you.
Chapter VI
La Belle France Being the First Stop
Except eighty or ninety other things the British Channel was the
most disappointing thing we encountered in our travels. All my
reading on this subject had led me to expect that the Channel would
be very choppy and that we should all be very seasick. Nothing
of the sort befell. The channel may have been suetty but it was
not choppy. The steamer that ferried us over ran as steadily as
a clock and everybody felt as fine as a fiddle.
A friend of mine whom I met six weeks later in Florence had better
luck. He crossed on an occasion when a test was being made of a
device for preventing seasickness. A Frenchman was the inventor
and also the experimenter. This Frenchman had spent valuable years
of his life perfecting his invention. It resembled a hammock swung
between uprights. The supports were to be bolted to the deck of
the ship, and when the Channel began to misbehave the squeamish
passenger would climb into the hammock and fasten himself in; and
then, by a system of reciprocating oscillations, the hammock would
counteract the motion of the ship and the occupant would rest in
perfect comfort no matter how high she pitched or how deep she
rolled. At least such was the theory of the inventor; and to prove
it he offered himself as the subject for the first actual demonstration.
The result was unexpected. The sea was only moderately rough; but
that patent hammock bucked like a kicking bronco. The poor Frenchman
was the only seasick person aboard - but he was sick enough for the
whole crowd. He was seasick with a Gallic abandon; he was seasick
both ways from the jack, and other ways too. He was strapped down
so he could not get out, which added no little to the pleasure of
the occasion for everybody except himself. When the steamer landed
the captain of the boat told the distressed owner that, in his
opinion, the device was not suited for steamer use. He advised
him to rent it to a riding academy.
