An Eastern
tourist would venture out on the windswept and drippy veranda, of
a morning after breakfast. He would think he was cold. He would
have many of the outward indications of being cold. His teeth
would be chattering like a Morse sounder, and inside his white-duck
pants his knees would be knocking together with a low, muffled
sound. He would be so prickled with gooseflesh that he felt like
Saint Sebastian; but he would take a look at the thermometer
- sixty-one in the shade! And such was the power of mercury and
mind combined over matter that he would immediately chirk up and
feel warm.
Not a hundred yards away, at a drug store, was one of those
fickle-minded, variable thermometers, showing a temperature that
ranged from fifty-five on downward to forty; but the hotel thermometer
stood firm at sixty-one, no matter what happened. In a season of
trying climatic conditions it was a great comfort - a boon really
- not only to its owner but to his guests. Speaking personally,
however, I have no need to consult the barometer's face to see
what the weather is going to do, or the thermometer's tube to see
what it has done. No person needs to do so who is favored naturally
as I am. I have one of the most dependable soft corns in the
business.
Rome is full of baths - vast ruined ones erected by various emperors
and still bearing their names - such as Caracalla's Baths and Titus'
Baths, and so on. Evidently the ancient Romans were very fond of
taking baths.
Other striking dissimilarities between the ancient Romans and the
modern Romans are perceptible at a glance.
Chapter V
When the Seven A.M. Tut-tut leaves for Anywhere
Being desirous of tendering sundry hints and observations to such
of my fellow countrymen as may contemplate trips abroad I shall,
with their kindly permission, devote this chapter to setting forth
briefly the following principles, which apply generally to railroad
travel in the Old World.
First - On the Continent all trains leave at or about seven A.M.
and reach their destination at or about eleven P.M. You may be
going a long distance or a short one - it makes no difference; you
leave at seven and you arrive at eleven. The few exceptions to
this rule are of no consequence and do not count.
Second - A trunk is the most costly luxury known to European travel.
If I could sell my small, shrinking and flat-chested steamer trunk
- original value in New York eighteen dollars and seventy-five
cents - for what it cost me over on the other side in registration
fees, excess charges, mental wear and tear, freightage, forwarding
and warehousing bills, tips, bribes, indulgences, and acts of
barratry and piracy, I should be able to laugh in the income tax's
face.
