Some Of Them Had Been Saving Up All Their
Lives, I Imagine, Against The Coming Of This Great Day; But
Our
guide - and we tried three different ones - never beheld this sight
that he did not sneer at it; and
Not once did he fail to point out
that most of the pilgrims were middle-aged or old, taking this as
proof of his claim that the Church no longer kept its hold on the
younger people, even among the peasant classes. The still more
frequent spectacle of a marching line of students of one of the
holy colleges, with each group wearing the distinctive insignia
of its own country - purple robes or green sashes, or what not
- would excite him to the verge of a spasm.
But then he was always verging on a spasm anyway - spasms were his
normal state.
Chapter XX
The Combustible Captain of Vienna
Our guide in Vienna was the most stupid human being I ever saw.
He was profoundly ignorant on a tremendously wide range of subjects;
he had a most complete repertoire of ignorance. He must have spent
years of study to store up so much interesting misinformation.
This guide was much addicted to indulgence of a peculiar form of
twisted English and at odd moments given to the consumption of a
delicacy of strictly Germanic origin, known in the language of the
Teutons as a rollmops. A rollmops consists of a large dilled
cucumber, with a pickled herring coiled round it ready to strike,
in the design of the rattlesnake-and-pinetree flag of the Revolution,
the motto in both instances being in effect:
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