Here I found a
gentleman of truly regal aspect. His tie was a perfect dream of
a tie, and he wore a frock coat so slim and long and black it made
him look as though he were climbing out of a smokestack. Presenting
the case as though it were a supposititious one purely, I said to
him:
"Presuming now that one of your guests is in a bathtub and finds
he has forgotten to lay in any towels beforehand - such a thing
might possibly occur, you know - how does he go about summoning the
man-servant or the valet with a view to getting some?"
"Oh, sir," he replied, "that's very simple. You noticed two
pushbuttons in your bathroom, didn't you?"
"I did," I said, "and that's just the difficulty. One of them is
for the maid and the other is for the waiter."
"Quite so, sir," he said, "quite so. Very well, then, sir: You
ring for the waiter or the maid - or, if you should charnce to be
in a hurry, for both of them; because, you see, one of them might
charnce to be en - "
"One moment," I said. "Let me make my position clear in this
matter: This Lady Susanna - I do not know her last name, but you
will doubtless recall the person I mean, because I saw several
pictures of her yesterday in your national art gallery - this Lady
Susanna may have enjoyed taking a bath with a lot of snoopy old
elders lurking round in the background; but I am not so constituted.
I was raised differently from that. With me, bathing has ever
been a solitary pleasure. This may denote selfishness on my part;
but such is my nature and I cannot alter it. All my folks feel
about it as I do. We are a very peculiar family that way. When
bathing we do not invite an audience. Nor do I want one. A crowd
would only embarrass me. I merely desire a little privacy and,
here and there, a towel."
"Ah, yes! Quite so, sir," he said; "but you do not understand me.
As I said before, you ring for the waiter or the maid. When one
of them comes you tell them to send you the manservant on your
floor; and when he comes you tell him you require towels, and he
goes to the linen cupboard and gets them and fetches them to you,
sir. It's very simple, sir."
"But why," I persisted, "why do this thing by a relay system? I
don't want any famishing gentleman in this place to go practically
unmarmaladed at breakfast because I am using the waiter to conduct
preliminary negotiations with a third party in regard to a bathtowel."
"But it is so very simple, sir," he repeated patiently.
