Languidly they inquire whether that
quaint Iowa character, Uncle Champ Root, is still Speaker of the
House? And so the present Vice-President is named Elihu Underwood?
Or isn't he? Anyway, American politics is such a bore. But they
stand ready, at a minute's notice, to furnish you with the names,
dates and details of all the marriages that have taken place during
the last twenty years in the royal house of Denmark.
Some day we shall learn a lesson from Europe. Some fair day we
shall begin to exploit our own historical associations. We shall
make shrines of the spots where Washington crossed the ice to help
end one war and where Eliza did the same thing to help start
another. We shall erect stone markers showing where Charley Ross
was last seen and Carrie Nation was first sighted. We shall pile
up tall monuments to Sitting Bull and Nonpareil Jack Dempsey and
the man who invented the spit ball. Perhaps then these truant
Americans will come back oftener from Paris and Florence and abide
with us longer. Meanwhile though they will continue to stay on
the other side. And on second thought, possibly it is just as
well for the rest of us that they do.
In Europe I met two persons, born in America, who were openly
distressed over that shameful circumstance and could not forgive
their parents for being so thoughtless and inconsiderate. One
was living in England and the other was living in France; and one
was a man and the other was a woman; and both of them were avowedly
regretful that they had not been born elsewhere, which, I should
say, ought to make the sentiment unanimous. I also heard - at
second hand - of a young woman whose father served this country
in an ambassadorial capacity at one of the principal Continental
courts until the administration at Washington had a lucid interval,
and endeared itself to the hearts of practically all Americans
residing in that country by throwing a net over him and yanking
him back home; this young woman was so fearful lest some one might
think she cherished any affection for her native land that once
when a legation secretary manifested a desire to learn the score
of the deciding game of a World's Series between the Giants and
the Athletics, she spoke up in the presence of witnesses and
said:
"Ah, baseball! How can any sane person be excited over that American
game? Tell me - some one please - how is it played?"
Yet she was born and reared in a town which for a great many years
has held a membership in the National League. Let us pass on to
a more pleasant topic.
Let us pass on to those well-meaning but temporarily misguided
persons who think they are going to be satisfied with staying on
indefinitely in Europe.
