To The Germans The Late Doctor
Tanner Would Have Been A Distinct Disappointment In An Ambassadorial
Capacity; But There Was
A man who used to live in my congressional
district who could qualify in a holy minute if he were
Still alive.
He was one of Nature's noblemen, untutored but naturally gifted,
and his name was John Wesley Bass. He was the champion eater of
the world, specializing particularly in eggs on the shell, and
cove oysters out of the can, with pepper sauce on them, and soda
crackers on the side.
I regret to be compelled to state, however, that John Wesley is
no more. At one of our McCracken County annual fairs, a few years
back, he succumbed to overambition coupled with a mistake in
judgment. After he had established a new world's record by eating
at one sitting five dozen raw eggs he rashly rode on the steam
merry-go-round. At the end of the first quarter of an hour he
fainted and fell off a spotted wooden horse and never spoke again,
but passed away soon after being removed to his home in an unconscious
condition. I have forgotten what the verdict of the coroner's
jury was - the attending physician gave it some fancy Latin name - but
among laymen the general judgment was that our fellow townsman had
just naturally been scrambled to death. It was a pity, too - the
German people would have cared for John Wesley as an ambassador.
He would have eaten his way right into their affections.
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