He Became Rich, So
They Made Him A Magistrate; Had He Remained Poor They Would Have
Hung Him In Spite Of All His Fun And Good-Nature.
Well, can't you
tell me some of the things he did?"
"Oh yes, can tell you plenty. One day in time of fair Tom Shone
Catti goes into ironmonger's shop in Llandovery. 'Master,' says
he, 'I want to buy a good large iron porridge pot; please to show
me some.' So the man brings three or four big iron porridge pots,
the very best he has. Tom takes up one and turns it round. 'This
look very good porridge pot,' said he; 'I think it will suit me.'
Then he turns it round and round again, and at last lifts it above
his head and peeks into it. 'Ha, ha,' says he; 'this won't do; I
see one hole here. What mean you by wanting to sell article like
this to stranger?' Says the man, 'There be no hole in it.' 'But
there is,' says Tom, holding it up and peeking into it again; 'I
see the hole quite plain. Take it and look into it yourself.' So
the man takes the pot, and having held it up and peeked in, 'as I
hope to be saved,' says he, 'I can see no hole.' Says Tom, 'Good
man, if you put your head in, you will find that there is a hole.'
So the man tries to put in his head, but having some difficulty,
Tom lends him a helping hand by jamming the pot quite down over the
man's face, then whisking up the other pots Tom leaves the shop,
saying as he goes, 'Friend, I suppose you now see there is a hole
in the pot, otherwise how could you have got your head inside?"'
"Very good," said I; "can you tell us something more about Twm
Shone Catti?"
"Oh yes; can tell you plenty about him. The farmer at Newton, just
one mile beyond the bridge at Brecon, had one very fine bull, but
with a very short tail. Says Tom to himself: 'By God's nails and
blood, I will steal the farmer's bull, and then sell it to him for
other bull in open market place.' Then Tom makes one fine tail,
just for all the world such a tail as the bull ought to have had,
then goes by night to the farmer's stall at Newton, steals away the
bull, and then sticks to the bull's short stump the fine bull's
tail which he himself had made. The next market day he takes the
bull to the market-place at Brecon, and calls out; 'Very fine bull
this, who will buy my fine bull?' Quoth the farmer who stood nigh
at hand, 'That very much like my bull, which thief stole t'other
night; I think I can swear to him.' Says Tom, 'What do you mean?
This bull is not your bull, but mine.' Says the farmer, 'I could
swear that this is my bull but for the tail. The tail of my bull
was short, but the tail of this is long. I would fain know whether
the tail of this be real tail or not.' 'You would?' says Tom;
'well, so you shall.' Thereupon he whips out big knife and cuts
off the bull's tail, some little way above where the false tail was
joined on. 'Ha, ha,' said Tom, as the bull's stump of tail bled,
and the bit of tail bled too to which the false tail was stuck, and
the bull kicked and bellowed. 'What say you now? Is it a true
tail or no?' 'By my faith!' says the farmer, 'I see that the tail
is a true tail, and that the bull is not mine. I beg pardon for
thinking that he was.' 'Begging pardon,' says Tom, 'is all very
well; but will you buy the bull?' 'No,' said the farmer; 'I should
be loth to buy a bull with tail cut off close to the rump.' 'Ha,'
says Tom; 'who made me cut off the tail but yourself? Did you not
force me to do so in order to clear my character? Now as you made
me cut off my bull's tail, I will make you buy my bull without his
tail.' 'Yes, yes,' cried the mob; 'as he forced you to cut off the
tail, do you now force him to buy the bull without the tail.' Says
the farmer, 'What do you ask for the bull?' Says Tom: 'I ask for
him ten pound.' Says the farmer, 'I will give you eight.' 'No,'
says Tom; 'you shall give me ten, or I will have you up before the
justice.' 'That is right,' cried the mob. 'If he won't pay you
ten pound, have him up before the justice.' Thereupon the farmer,
becoming frightened, pulled out the ten pounds and gave it for his
own bull to Tom Shone Catti, who wished him joy of his bargain. As
the farmer was driving the bull away he said to Tom: 'Won't you
give me the tail?' 'No,' said Tom; 'I shall keep it against the
time I steal another bull with a short tail;' and thereupon he runs
off."
"A clever fellow," said I; "though it was rather cruel in him to
cut off the poor bull's tail. Now, perhaps, you will tell me how
he came to marry the rich lady?
"Oh yes; I will tell you. One day as he was wandering about,
dressed quite like a gentleman, he heard a cry, and found one very
fine lady in the hands of one highwayman, who would have robbed and
murdered her. Tom kills the highwayman and conducts the lady home
to her house and her husband, for she was a married lady.
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