There exists already a natural disinterestedness and
liberality in such society, and I think that any man will more
confidently carry his favorite books to read to some circle of
intelligent women, than to one of his own sex. The visit of man
to man is wont to be an interruption, but the sexes naturally
expect one another. Yet Friendship is no respecter of sex; and
perhaps it is more rare between the sexes than between two of the
same sex.
Friendship is, at any rate, a relation of perfect equality. It
cannot well spare any outward sign of equal obligation and
advantage. The nobleman can never have a Friend among his
retainers, nor the king among his subjects. Not that the parties
to it are in all respects equal, but they are equal in all that
respects or affects their Friendship. The one's love is exactly
balanced and represented by the other's. Persons are only the
vessels which contain the nectar, and the hydrostatic paradox is
the symbol of love's law. It finds its level and rises to its
fountain-head in all breasts, and its slenderest column balances
the ocean.
"And love as well the shepherd can
As can the mighty nobleman."
The one sex is not, in this respect, more tender than the other.
A hero's love is as delicate as a maiden's.
Confucius said, "Never contract Friendship with a man who is not
better than thyself." It is the merit and preservation of
Friendship, that it takes place on a level higher than the actual
characters of the parties would seem to warrant. The rays of
light come to us in such a curve that every man whom we meet
appears to be taller than he actually is. Such foundation has
civility. My Friend is that one whom I can associate with my
choicest thought. I always assign to him a nobler employment in
my absence than I ever find him engaged in; and I imagine that
the hours which he devotes to me were snatched from a higher
society. The sorest insult which I ever received from a Friend
was, when he behaved with the license which only long and cheap
acquaintance allows to one's faults, in my presence, without
shame, and still addressed me in friendly accents. Beware, lest
thy Friend learn at last to tolerate one frailty of thine, and so
an obstacle be raised to the progress of thy love. There are
times when we have had enough even of our Friends, when we begin
inevitably to profane one another, and must withdraw religiously
into solitude and silence, the better to prepare ourselves for a
loftier intimacy. Silence is the ambrosial night in the
intercourse of Friends, in which their sincerity is recruited and
takes deeper root.
