It Ought Surely To Be The Punishment Of The
Wicked Only.
I bring that cup to my lips, of which I must soon
taste, and shudder at its bitterness.
What then is life, I ask
myself, is it a gracious gift? No, it is too bitter; a gift means
something valuable conferred, but life appears to be a mere
accident, and of the worst kind: we are born to be victims of
diseases and passions, of mischances and death: better not to be
than to be miserable. - Thus impiously I roam, I fly from one erratic
thought to another, and my mind, irritated by these acrimonious
reflections, is ready sometimes to lead me to dangerous extremes of
violence. When I recollect that I am a father, and a husband, the
return of these endearing ideas strikes deep into my heart. Alas!
they once made it to glow with pleasure and with every ravishing
exultation; but now they fill it with sorrow. At other times, my
wife industriously rouses me out of these dreadful meditations, and
soothes me by all the reasoning she is mistress of; but her
endeavours only serve to make me more miserable, by reflecting that
she must share with all these calamities, the bare apprehensions of
which I am afraid will subvert her reason. Nor can I with patience
think that a beloved wife, my faithful help-mate, throughout all my
rural schemes, the principal hand which has assisted me in rearing
the prosperous fabric of ease and independence I lately possessed,
as well as my children, those tenants of my heart, should daily and
nightly be exposed to such a cruel fate. Selfpreservation is above
all political precepts and rules, and even superior to the dearest
opinions of our minds; a reasonable accommodation of ourselves to
the various exigencies of the time in which we live, is the most
irresistible precept. To this great evil I must seek some sort of
remedy adapted to remove or to palliate it; situated as I am, what
steps should I take that will neither injure nor insult any of the
parties, and at the same time save my family from that certain
destruction which awaits it, if I remain here much longer. Could I
insure them bread, safety, and subsistence, not the bread of
idleness, but that earned by proper labour as heretofore; could this
be accomplished by the sacrifice of my life, I would willingly give
it up. I attest before heaven, that it is only for these I would
wish to live and to toil: for these whom I have brought into this
miserable existence. I resemble, methinks, one of the stones of a
ruined arch, still retaining that pristine form that anciently
fitted the place I occupied, but the centre is tumbled down; I can
be nothing until I am replaced, either in the former circle, or in
some stronger one. I see one on a smaller scale, and at a
considerable distance, but it is within my power to reach it: and
since I have ceased to consider myself as a member of the ancient
state now convulsed, I willingly descend into an inferior one. I
will revert into a state approaching nearer to that of nature,
unencumbered either with voluminous laws, or contradictory codes,
often galling the very necks of those whom they protect; and at the
same time sufficiently remote from the brutality of unconnected
savage nature. Do you, my friend, perceive the path I have found
out? it is that which leads to the tenants of the great - - - village
of - - - , where, far removed from the accursed neighbourhood of
Europeans, its inhabitants live with more ease, decency, and peace,
than you imagine: where, though governed by no laws, yet find, in
uncontaminated simple manners all that laws can afford. Their system
is sufficiently complete to answer all the primary wants of man, and
to constitute him a social being, such as he ought to be in the
great forest of nature. There it is that I have resolved at any rate
to transport myself and family: an eccentric thought, you may say,
thus to cut asunder all former connections, and to form new ones
with a people whom nature has stamped with such different
characteristics! But as the happiness of my family is the only
object of my wishes, I care very little where we be, or where we go,
provided that we are safe, and all united together. Our new
calamities being shared equally by all, will become lighter; our
mutual affection for each other, will in this great transmutation
become the strongest link of our new society, will afford us every
joy we can receive on a foreign soil, and preserve us in unity, as
the gravity and coherency of matter prevents the world from
dissolution. Blame me not, it would be cruel in you, it would beside
be entirely useless; for when you receive this we shall be on the
wing. When we think all hopes are gone, must we, like poor
pusillanimous wretches, despair and die? No; I perceive before me a
few resources, though through many dangers, which I will explain to
you hereafter. It is not, believe me, a disappointed ambition which
leads me to take this step, it is the bitterness of my situation, it
is the impossibility of knowing what better measure to adopt: my
education fitted me for nothing more than the most simple
occupations of life; I am but a feller of trees, a cultivator of
land, the most honourable title an American can have. I have no
exploits, no discoveries, no inventions to boast of; I have cleared
about 370 acres of land, some for the plough, some for the scythe;
and this has occupied many years of my life. I have never possessed,
or wish to possess anything more than what could be earned or
produced by the united industry of my family. I wanted nothing more
than to live at home independent and tranquil, and to teach my
children how to provide the means of a future ample subsistence,
founded on labour, like that of their father, This is the career of
life I have pursued, and that which I had marked out for them and
for which they seemed to be so well calculated by their
inclinations, and by their constitutions.
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