We Remain Thus
Sometimes For Whole Hours, Our Hearts And Our Minds Racked By The
Most Anxious Suspense:
What a dreadful situation, a thousand times
worse than that of a soldier engaged in the midst of the most severe
conflict!
Sometimes feeling the spontaneous courage of a man, I seem
to wish for the decisive minute; the next instant a message from my
wife, sent by one of the children, puzzling me beside with their
little questions, unmans me: away goes my courage, and I descend
again into the deepest despondency. At last finding that it was a
false alarm, we return once more to our beds; but what good can the
kind sleep of nature do to us when interrupted by such scenes!
Securely placed as you are, you can have no idea of our agitations,
but by hear-say; no relation can be equal to what we suffer and to
what we feel. Every morning my youngest children are sure to have
frightful dreams to relate: in vain I exert my authority to keep
them silent, it is not in my power; and these images of their
disturbed imagination, instead of being frivolously looked upon as
in the days of our happiness, are on the contrary considered as
warnings and sure prognostics of our future fate. I am not a
superstitious man, but since our misfortunes, I am grown more timid,
and less disposed to treat the doctrine of omens with contempt.
Though these evils have been gradual, yet they do not become
habitual like other incidental evils.
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