Dysentery had
terribly reduced his strength, and with it such intelligence
as he could boast of. We started at daybreak, right glad to
be alone together and away from the penal servitude to which
we were condemned. We made for the Sweetwater, not very far
from the foot of the South Pass, where antelope and black-
tailed deer abounded. We failed, however, to get near them -
stalk after stalk miscarried.
Disappointed and tired, we were looking out for some snug
little hollow where we could light a fire without its being
seen by the Indians, when, just as we found what we wanted,
an antelope trotted up to a brow to inspect us. I had a
fairly good shot at him and missed. This disheartened us
both. Meat was the one thing we now sorely needed to save
the rapidly diminishing supply of hams. Fred said nothing,
but I saw by his look how this trifling accident helped to
depress him. I was ready to cry with vexation. My rifle was
my pride, the stag of my life - my ALTER EGO. It was never
out of my hands; every day I practised at prairie dogs, at
sage hens, at a mark even if there was no game. A few days
before we got to Laramie I had killed, right and left, two
wild ducks, the second on the wing; and now, when so much
depended on it, I could not hit a thing as big as a donkey.
The fact is, I was the worse for illness. I had constant
returns of fever, with bad shivering fits, which did not
improve the steadiness of one's hand. However, we managed to
get a supper. While we were examining the spot where the
antelope had stood, a leveret jumped up, and I knocked him
over with my remaining barrel. We fried him in the one tin
plate we had brought with us, and thought it the most
delicious dish we had had for weeks.
As we lay side by side, smoke curling peacefully from our
pipes, we chatted far into the night, of other days - of
Cambridge, of our college friends, of London, of the opera,
of balls, of women - the last a fruitful subject - and of the
future. I was vastly amused at his sudden outburst as some
start of one of the horses picketed close to us reminded us
of the actual present. 'If ever I get out of this d-d mess,'
he exclaimed, 'I'll never go anywhere without my own French
cook.' He kept his word, to the end of his life, I believe.
It was a delightful repose, a complete forgetting, for a
night at any rate, of all impending care. Each was cheered
and strengthened for the work to come. The spirit of
enterprise, the love of adventure restored for the moment,
believed itself a match for come what would. The very
animals seemed invigorated by the rest and the abundance of
rich grass spreading as far as we could see. The morning was
bright and cool. A delicious bath in the Sweetwater, a
breakfast on fried ham and coffee, and once more in our
saddles on the way back to camp, we felt (or fancied that we
felt) prepared for anything.
That is just what we were not. Samson and the men, meeting
with no game where we had left them, had moved on that
afternoon in search of better hunting grounds. The result
was that when we overtook them, we found five mules up to
their necks in a muddy creek. The packs were sunk to the
bottom, and the animals nearly drowned or strangled. Fred
and I rushed to the rescue. At once we cut the ropes which
tied them together; and, setting the men to pull at tails or
heads, succeeded at last in extricating them.
Our new-born vigour was nipped in the bud. We were all
drenched to the skin. Two packs containing the miserable
remains of our wardrobe, Fred's and mine, were lost. The
catastrophe produced a good deal of bad language and bad
blood. Translated into English it came to this: 'They had
trusted to us, taking it for granted we knew what we were
about. What business had we to "boss" the party if we were
as ignorant as the mules? We had guaranteed to lead them
through to California [!] and had brought them into this
"almighty fix" to slave like niggers and to starve.' There
was just truth enough in the Jeremiad to make it sting. It
would not have been prudent, nay, not very safe, to return
curse for curse. But the breaking point was reached at last.
That night I, for one, had not much sleep. I was soaked from
head to foot, and had not a dry rag for a change. Alternate
fits of fever and rigor would alone have kept me awake; but
renewed ponderings upon the situation and confirmed
convictions of the peremptory necessity of breaking up the
party, forced me to the conclusion that this was the right,
the only, course to adopt.
For another twenty-four hours I brooded over my plans. Two
main difficulties confronted me: the announcement to the
men, who might mutiny; and the parting with Fred, which I
dreaded far the most of the two. Would he not think it
treacherous to cast him off after the sacrifices he had made
for me? Implicitly we were as good as pledged to stand by
each other to the last gasp. Was it not mean and dastardly
to run away from the battle because it was dangerous to fight
it out? Had friendship no claims superior to personal
safety? Was not my decision prompted by sheer selfishness?
Could anything be said in its defence?
Yes; sentiment must yield to reason. To go on was certain
death for all.
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