The Englishwoman In America By Isabella Lucy Bird

 -  An old lady was going down the river for the first time,
and expressed to the captain her earnest hope - Page 250
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An Old Lady Was Going Down The River For The First Time, And Expressed To The Captain Her Earnest Hope That There Would Be No Racing.

Presently another boat neared them, and half the passengers urged the captain to "pile on." The old lady shrieked and protested, but to no purpose; the skipper "piled on;" and as the race was a very long and doubtful one, she soon became excited.

The rival boat shot ahead; the old lady gave a side of bacon, her sole possession, to feed the boiler fires - the boat was left behind - she clapped her hands - it ran ahead again, and, frantic, she seated herself upon the safety-valve! It was again doubtful, but, lo! the antagonist boat was snagged, and the lady gave a yell of perfect delight when she saw it discomfited, and a hundred human beings struggling in the water. Our race, however, was destitute of excitement, for the Maple-leaf was a much better sailer than ourselves.

Dinner constituted an important event in the day, and was despatched very voraciously, though some things were raw, others overdone, and all greasy. But the three hundred people who sat down to dinner were, as some one observed, three hundred reasons against eating anything. I had to endure a severe attack of ague, and about nine o'clock the stewardess gave up her room to me, and, as she faithfully promised to call me half an hour before we changed the boats, I slept very soundly.

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