The Ladies In The United States Appeared To Me To Be Extremely Domestic.
However Fond They May Be Of Admiration
As girls, after their early
marriages they become dutiful wives, and affectionate, devoted mothers.
And in a country where there
Are few faithful attached servants, far more
devolves upon the mother than English ladies have any idea of. Those
amusements which would withdraw her from home must be abandoned; however
fond she may be of travelling, she must abide in the nursery; and all
those little attentions which in England are turned over to the nurse must
be performed by herself, or under her superintending eye. She must be the
nurse of her children alike by day and by night, in sickness and in
health; and with the attention which American ladies pay to their
husbands, their married life is by no means an idle one. Under these
circumstances, the early fading of their bloom is not to be wondered at,
and I cannot but admire the manner in which many of them cheerfully
conform to years of anxiety and comparative seclusion, after the homage
and gaiety which seemed their natural atmosphere in their early youth.
Of the gentlemen it is less easy to speak. They are immersed in a whirl of
business, often of that speculative kind which demands a constant exercise
of intense thought. The short period which they can spend in the bosom of
their families must be an enjoyment and relaxation to them; therefore, in
the absence of any statements to the contrary, it is but right to suppose
that they are affectionate husbands and fathers. However actively the
gentlemen of New York are engaged in business pursuits, they travel, read
the papers, and often devote some time to general literature. They look
rather more pale and careworn than the English, as the uncertainties of
business are greater in a country where speculative transactions are
carried to such an exaggerated extent. They also indulge in eccentricities
of appearance in the shape of beards and imperials, not to speak of the
"goatee" and moustaches of various forms. With these exceptions, there is
nothing in appearance, manner, or phraseology to distinguish them from
gentlemen in the best English society, except perhaps that they evince
more interest and animation in their conversation.
The peculiar expressions which go under the name of Americanisms are never
heard in good society, and those disagreeable habits connected with
tobacco are equally unknown. I thought that the gentlemen were remarkably
free from mannerisms of any kind. I have frequently heard Americans speak
of the descriptions given by Dickens and Mrs. Trollope of the slang and
disagreeable practices to be met with in the States; and they never, on a
single occasion, denied their truthfulness, but said that these writers
mistook the perpetrators of these vulgarities for gentlemen. The
gentlemen are extremely deferential and attentive in their manners to
ladies, and are hardly, I think, treated with sufficient graciousness in
return. At New York a great many are actively engaged in philanthropic
pursuits. The quiescence of manner attained by English gentlemen, which
frequently approaches inanity, is seldom to be met with in America. The
exhilarating influences of the climate and the excitement of business have
a tendency to produce animation of manner, and force and earnestness of
expression. A great difference in these respects is apparent in gentlemen
from the southern States, who live in an enervating climate, and whose
pursuits are of a more tranquil nature. The dry, elastic atmosphere of the
northern States produces a restlessness which must either expend itself in
bodily or mental exertion or force of expression; from this probably arise
the frequent use of superlatives, and the exaggeration of language, which
the more phlegmatic English attribute to the Americans.
Since my return to England I have frequently been asked the question,
"What is society like in America?" This word society is one of very
ambiguous meaning. It is used in England by the titled aristocracy to
distinguish themselves, their connexions, and those whose wealth or genius
has gained them admission into their circles. But every circle, every
city, and even every country neighbourhood, has what it pleases to term
"society;" and when the members of it say of an individual, "I never met
him in society," it ostracises him, no matter how estimable or agreeable
he may be. In England, to "society," in each of its grades, wealth is a
sure passport, as has been evidenced of late years by several very
notorious instances. Thus it is extremely difficult to answer the
question, "What is New York society like?" It certainly is not like that
which is associated in our minds with the localities May Fair and
Belgravia; neither can it be compared to the circles which form
parasitically round the millionaire; still less is it like the dulness of
country neighbourhoods. New York has its charmed circles also; a republic
admits of the greatest exclusiveness; and, in the highest circles of the
city, to say that a man is not in society, is to ostracise him as in
England. It must be stated that some of the most agreeable salons of New
York are almost closed against foreigners. French, Germans, and Italians,
with imposing titles, have proved how unworthily they bear them; and this
feeling against strangers - I will not call it prejudice, for there are
sufficient grounds for it - is extended to the English, some of whom, I
regret to say, have violated the rights of hospitality in many different
ways. I have heard of such conduct on the part of my countrymen as left me
no room for surprise that many families, whose acquaintance would be most
agreeable, strictly guard their drawing-room from English intrusion. And,
besides this, there are those who have entered houses merely to caricature
their inmates, and have received hospitality only to ridicule the manner
in which it was exercised, while they have indulged in unamiable
personalities, and have not respected the sanctity of private life.
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